It's always easier to speak on behalf of others. It's easier to watch and make comments from afar. It's easier to see what's wrong with others before asking yourself the same questions and evaluate yourself on the same scale as you do to others. Society has formed into a monster of big talk and many words but no actions and no self assessments. Social media has become a big part of this life where opinions are being given from behind a keyboard and criticisms are being made by those whose opinions we did not ask for. We hear it verbally, read it physically and deal with it emotionally.
Sometimes it's hurtful when you are the one being criticized by others. You begin to feel self-doubt, pity and you question the woman you are because if someone didn't approve of you, you feel you weren't good enough. However, pay attention to who is criticizing you and why. Just the way you would ask yourself those two questions before you criticized, metaphorically ask the person who is criticizing you those questions, you know, in case they forgot to ask themselves. Don't criticize them but analyze them. Are they someone of incredible importance in your life? Do their opinions truly matter to you? When they provide you feedback, is it to strengthen you as a woman or to slowly drive you to the ground? Think about these things and when it comes to choosing whose opinions to listen to--choose wisely. Not everyone's opinions matter because not everyone is qualified by your terms to contribute to your life decisions.
Most of the time when people speak, they aren't really saying anything of importance--they are really only talking to hear the sound of their own voice. More often than not, the people who are speaking, and who are speaking very highly of themselves, are usually the ones who are quick to criticize and judge. The answer why is obvious--they have insecurities and they don't know how to solve their own personal problems so they focus on others. They are called aeolists. An aeolist is a pompous person who only pretends to have inspiration or personal insight. Just the way a liar speaks more than he should to compensate for the lie, the more someone talks about themselves the more they are trying to corroborate those thoughts to themselves so they can believe them to be true. They need that confirmation for themselves to be able to continue living the life they think they have. I have written about comparing yourself to others in past articles and how comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's shining final cut is degrading, but today we are looking at the situation from the standpoint of the person who is the one being compared who has no major self-perception issues and is trying to fathom the criticism she is getting from others. My advice to you; brush it off and don't ever think there is something wrong with you no matter what the criticizing comments are because those who are judging you and comparing themselves to you have their own personal complications that have unfortunately made them that way and the only person who can save them from that pain is themselves. If you are the one being criticized whether it is for your work or it is a personal characteristic, don't look down and question your thinking rather question their thinking and understand where they might be coming from and brush it off. Because sometimes when others don't say nice things to you they really aren't describing you, they are describing themselves.
Everyone has insecurities and everyone is living through some kind of struggle. So remember, the next time you are about to criticize someone ask yourself (a) if your opinion was asked for in the first place (b) if your opinion is valuable to this person and (c) will it be constructive criticism to help them grow or are you only going to say things to be negative? And if you are the one being criticized then listen and take it into consideration but don't let it consume you.
Photograph by Joshua Allen Harris
Most of the time when people speak, they aren't really saying anything of importance--they are really only talking to hear the sound of their own voice. More often than not, the people who are speaking, and who are speaking very highly of themselves, are usually the ones who are quick to criticize and judge. The answer why is obvious--they have insecurities and they don't know how to solve their own personal problems so they focus on others. They are called aeolists. An aeolist is a pompous person who only pretends to have inspiration or personal insight. Just the way a liar speaks more than he should to compensate for the lie, the more someone talks about themselves the more they are trying to corroborate those thoughts to themselves so they can believe them to be true. They need that confirmation for themselves to be able to continue living the life they think they have. I have written about comparing yourself to others in past articles and how comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's shining final cut is degrading, but today we are looking at the situation from the standpoint of the person who is the one being compared who has no major self-perception issues and is trying to fathom the criticism she is getting from others. My advice to you; brush it off and don't ever think there is something wrong with you no matter what the criticizing comments are because those who are judging you and comparing themselves to you have their own personal complications that have unfortunately made them that way and the only person who can save them from that pain is themselves. If you are the one being criticized whether it is for your work or it is a personal characteristic, don't look down and question your thinking rather question their thinking and understand where they might be coming from and brush it off. Because sometimes when others don't say nice things to you they really aren't describing you, they are describing themselves.
Everyone has insecurities and everyone is living through some kind of struggle. So remember, the next time you are about to criticize someone ask yourself (a) if your opinion was asked for in the first place (b) if your opinion is valuable to this person and (c) will it be constructive criticism to help them grow or are you only going to say things to be negative? And if you are the one being criticized then listen and take it into consideration but don't let it consume you.
Photograph by Joshua Allen Harris