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The Gracious Lady
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She writes and shares stories because there are words at the edge of fingertips and mouths persistent to be declared, discussed and defined. Here is a gathered collection of words from both the deep and not so deep chasm that are thoughts, stories and words every gracious individual must know.

Waiting On God's Timing

6/22/2015

 
god's timing
I firmly believe that He never actually tells us no. He only ever says to us, 'Yes, not right now, or wait I have something better.' 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds, a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy (Ecclesiastes 3:11 AMP).

We sometimes lose patience in our journey when we are actively trying to figure out our place in this world. We sometimes confuse our decisions with worrying if we are taking the right path towards finding self-fulfillment. What we see as the unknown, is actually a plan God already has written out for us. Our job is to walk in faith, and simply live through His plan. We guide ourselves through this life as He continuously gives us signs or places certain things in our path at the right moment to show us the right way to move forward. 

Some days these are obvious to us, and other days, we hear silence. Or so we think we do. We become impatient and fear He has forgotten about us. We all want good things to happen to our lives, but if we had our way, we'd like them to all happen now. When things aren't so quick to happen, we are tempted to ask Him when. If it's not happening now, then when? Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on asking when. We need to grow in reliance that we do things for Him. We are living here, creating, working, for Him. 

Trust in him and have patience that your life will unfold before you the way He intended it. However, you must be mindful of the difference of being patient and lazy. Work hard to accomplish your goals, put in the effort, but nothing you do should be strenuous or feel as if you are being unfulfilled. God has placed eternity in the hearts of mankind. Everything we experience not only serves a purpose here on earth, but it serves a purpose for eternity. You do your part, by listening and trusting that He is currently working in you and putting inside of you everything you need to fulfill your eternal destiny. He is preparing you to rule and reign with Him. As long as you are moving forward and gaining strength, you are gaining a gracious life.

View what’s going on in your life with an eternal perspective. Know that you have a higher calling; you have a greater purpose. Focus on what God is doing in your life. Trust in him and have patience when He asks you to wait. Don’t allow little irritations to get you off course or distract you from what God has called you to do. Remember, He never really tells us no. He only ever says to us, 'Yes, not right now, or wait I have something better.' 

Photograph by Signe Vilstrup 

The Courage It Takes to Bloom

6/21/2015

 
bloom
                                   “Bloom where you are planted.” - Saint Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva (1567-1611)

At one time or another, chances are you’ve read these words as self-motivation and inspiration. It’s a timeless quote echoing the sentiments of our hearts desire - to flourish, grow and live out what we were originally created and capable of doing.

What this quote doesn’t speak of though is the courage it takes to bloom where you are, regardless of the season you’re in. The foundation for blooming is finding the courage it takes to push through the dirt. At times the journey can be agonizing, mysterious, and filled with doubt but it can also be filled with exquisite beauty as we reach new heights and evolve into our truly authentic selves. 

Here’s some ways you can embrace courage and bloom wherever you are: 

Appreciate the season you’re in
Every season serves a particular purpose and it’s important to remain planted in each. More than remaining planted, learn to appreciate and be grateful for what they can teach you. Not every season is enjoyable, desirable or comfortable. Some seasons may require sacrifice and in others you may receive abundant favour. Yet, we can take heart that God is working on the details of our heart and preparing things for us in the background that we’re yet to see.

Have the courage to remain planted and faithful where you are. See the beauty in it and see it through to the end. The downpour of rain you feel overwhelmed by at the moment may actually be what is needed to wash you clean and give you a fresh slate to begin again. Appreciation always paves the way for growth.

Do the courageous, daily
Or in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Years ago I took up this quote as a personal challenge in order to break through the barriers of depression and anxiety. In that particular season in my life, depression and anxiety crippled the ability to flourish where I was. It caused me to retreat inwardly instead of letting the beauty inside of me shine or remain authentically connected in community with people. It hindered me from confidently taking hold of opportunities and believing in myself. It clouded my vision for the future and I felt consistently anxious to be fully alive in the present. 

This quote challenged me in the best of ways. By acknowledging what “scared” me in every day situations and then choosing to do it anyway caused me to grow in an invaluable way. Each new experience expanded my world and fed life to me. More than that, it allowed me to push through the dirt that was holding me back. Courage is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it becomes and the better you become at overcoming greater challenges. Doing the courageous and what isn’t comfortable may not seem pretty in that time, but it will allow you to move forward, bloom and become the best version of yourself. 

Letting go in order to grow
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to simply let go - letting go of preconceived ideas, relationships, responsibilities, attitudes, habits and more. Everything we do and engage in either builds us up or tears us down. There will always come a time when the only way we can bloom and grow is to prune and let go of what’s dead in our lives so that we can come alive again. Jim Rohn says this so bluntly, “If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” That’s the beauty of being human - we choose how our story is written and the degree to which we blossom into the authentic lady God so desires us to be.

Whatever season you find yourself in at the moment, be courageous enough to continue pushing through. Remain steadfast and faithful. Appreciate where you are. Do the uncomfortable and push the boundaries. Remember that every bud blossoms in its own time and you will only bloom where you are planted. Above all, don’t forget to enjoy the journey of blossoming into who you really are and living out the life you’re capable of living because of it.

Photograph by Lars Wästfelt

About the Gracious Guest Author
Bethany Morris is the Founder and Editor of The Free Woman. She has a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and resides in Melbourne, Australia. 
Marked by Hope, she’s known to giggle and believes in savouring the beauty of each day with a cup of coffee. You can find her at thefreewoman.com or Instagramming @bethjae.

How to Graciously Wait In Line

6/17/2015

 
waiting in line
With social media crowding our field of vision, it’s easy to miss what is right in front of us at times: real human beings. We care so much about feeling connected to the world by constantly updating our status and commenting on others’ photos, yet we can often miss out on connecting to the actual person standing next to us. Checking our news feed is a normal part of our daily activity nowadays, but this action especially heightens when we don’t have a companion by our side in public places. When we’re alone, it’s easy to disengage from the physical world around us.

With this in mind, the next time you’re waiting anywhere — whether in line at the grocery store or riding on a public transport commuter train — have the patience to refrain from looking down at your phone. Rather than browsing through someone’s online photo stream, strike up a conversation with the person next to you and try to make a real connection with someone, however brief it may be. You never know what may come of it.

Here are a few suggestions to help get you started.

Look Up
When you are looking down at your phone, you miss out on the world that’s right in front of you. Realize that your presence makes a difference; the attitude, perspective, and energy that you possess once you step into a room matters. When you immediately look down at your device, you tell everyone else around you that you’re not interested in conversing. You shut others out and remain in your own bubble. People will notice; all efforts someone might have had to chat with you might disappear and a connection may be lost. Look up from your phone, learn to coexist and be connected to the ones around you.

                        "the attitude, perspective, and energy that you possess once you step into a room matters."

Don’t Stay Lonely
When you’re in public by yourself, don’t resort to hiding behind your phone in fear of seeming alone. Don’t feel intimidated or be afraid of rejection; the reason for wanting to talk to the person beside you isn’t a form of weakness. It’s not because people need to feel welcomed or appreciated in the space they are in, but because we are thinking well beyond ourselves that we wish to focus our attention on another. Remove the fear of rejection that may come from engaging with someone new and be the first to initiate a conversation.

Start A Conversation
Skip the awkward and on-the surface topics of discussion once you do engage. Rather than talking about the weather or how bad the line that you’re waiting in is, compliment this person on something they are wearing, it may spark a story. Another good topic of discussion: whether you’re new in town or not. Asking someone where their favorite restaurant is could introduce you to new places or bond you both in your similarities. The art of good conversation deepens when information is being shared.

Keep The Relationship
If you run a business that will help the person you just spoke with, extending your contact information helps to build awareness of your brand and bring in a new, yet familiar, face. If you run a blog or a service, you might have just made a new lovely reader, contributor or client. If you are an expert in styling, traveling or just simply interested in a topic of the like that helped bond you with your new friend, exchanging cards helps continue the conversation even after you’re no longer waiting in line.

Being present in the world is easiest when you’re not buried in your phone. The next time you’re waiting in line for the latest iPhone upgrade, grabbing a cup of coffee, or waiting to get on a ride at Six Flags, be daring -- talk to the person behind you. 

Photograph from Tumblr
This post was also published on Darling Magazine

A Chance At Second Loves

6/15/2015

 
second loves
There is nothing quite like your first love. And we all know about this; we've all experienced it and have read stories about it. I have now come to the realization of why your first love means so much, and the things you experience differently when you move on. If and when you do. I have also come to the realization of why your second love is the one that really matters, if not more than the first. 

There is nothing quite like your first love. And your second or third or fourth loves will never compare because when you're with someone new, your first is always in your thoughts, no matter how wonderful this new person is. When you receive a text message with a second love's emotions written out on the screen, the feelings are not the same. There are two things that happen; that fiery interest is no longer in you or you are bored because you have heard all of these words before. They don't mean anything to you. These silly little words once made your entire day brighter, but you don't feel the same now, though the context hasn't changed. You heard these lovely words once, and my God you believed them with everything in your being, and as a result, you got hurt. Now hearing them, they almost sound like lies. 

There is nothing quite like your first love. It's never the same after your first because now all of those beautiful feelings are jaded. You're harder to convince, you keep more to yourself, you're afraid of opening up again. But this is when we should give our second loves much, much more credit than our firsts. 

Well, there really is nothing better than a second love. Because they were the ones who had to break through our walls, clean up the mess, and give us hope to believe in love again. They were the ones who showed us what love is supposed to feel like. 

When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having another love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then like you didn't expect it: love happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

Every girl deserves a guy that can make her heart forget that it was ever broken.

Photograph by Jenny Markham 

Seasons in Boxes, Today in our Hands

6/14/2015

 
Jay Alvarrez
I currently sit in a room filled with boxes. Moving comes with its stress, we all know this; it is a season of laughable moments and an excitement of what’s to come, even if it’s unknown. Figuratively I feel as though my boxes are heavier. They hold a past filled with some hurt, disappointment, strength and the most beautiful of moments. More than any other season, I feel the weight of past mistakes and the excitement of planning for the future. Maybe it’s because the next time I will unpack these boxes it will be with my soon-to-be husband. My past feels weightier as it affects someone else, my every decision needs to be more thought through, and my future is the most exciting kind of unsure. 

As women, we are our greatest critics. We look into our past and can see every wrong turn, where we got every scar, and what we should have done differently. Some of us are aware of the actions of others and how they affect our lives now. We look inward and find all of our weakness and try, alone, to figure out how we can be better… do more… and do it all quickly.

It is also quite hard for us to be engaged in our present. Of course it is, we are so busy looking backwards and forwards that what is right in front of us is impossible to get our full attention. While I am packing, I remember who got me every thing I now posses in my home. I see photographs of people I haven’t spoken to in ages. I remember times that are both bitter and sweet. Having to decide what to get rid of and what to keep and bring into this next season. I cannot allow my soon to be husband to live in the shadow of the past men in my life, the divorces I have seen, the abuse, or the mistrust I’ve experienced. We have to allow others a fresh slate, knowing that they will be imperfect but also that they aren’t past boyfriends, fathers, or step fathers. In the same way we have to remind ourselves that we aren’t the same. I am not the insecure girl that is fearful, inadequate, and doesn’t trust anyone; we are growing and becoming free from our past. As women maybe that’s what we need to do mentally, hash it out… think through it all. Forgive what needs forgiveness, forget what needs forgetting, and throw out the “boxes” that we don’t want weighing us down in our next season.

So as we make daily decisions to let our pasts be our pasts, how do we live our day well and not worry about the future? All I do is plan for the future it seems, wedding planning does that to you. Your money, mind power, and creativity are so focused on one day. There is so much that will happen in the 61 days I have till my wedding. There is also so much that will happen starting on day one as a married couple. The most important thing in preparing for our futures is today. I have today and I think I’m promised a tomorrow… but we aren’t always promised a tomorrow. We can work on loving well, knowing what we can really accomplish in 24 hours, and tomorrow will come whether we have lived today fully or not.

So today let’s be the ladies that bust loose of expectations of others or those crazy expectations we have of ourselves. Let’s put down our “do more” mindsets and take up our “live more” hearts. Maybe we need to throw out some boxes to make room for our new season, drink a cup of coffee for here and stop rushing around, or maybe it’s that we just need to remember that today holds everything that you need to prepare for all that’s to come.

Photograph from Jay Alvarrez

About the Gracious Guest Author
Beth Swann is a traveling, deep thinking, picture taking enthusiast. She will have a cup of coffee with anyone, and finds the most joy in simple things.  
A student of life and has earned a bachelor’s degree in Religion. She seeks to give hope, encouragement, and beauty to every person she encounters. Find her words on bethswann.wordpress.com and photos @beth_swann

Salt Water Cure

6/10/2015

 
salt water cure
As the temperature rises, so does our impulse to immerse ourselves in the ocean, and end up entranced in the deep sea seeking a creative revival. As Isak Dinesen put it, “The cure for anything is salt water.” 

Creativity is like an ocean: limitless and monumental. To be creative means to be in love with life. You really can only be creative if you love life enough that you only want to enhance it’s beauty by creating more, by living more, by going out and jumping head first into the water. Generate ideas, explore solutions, and find relationships between two unrelated things. Upon defining the value of those connections made you experience first hand the impact of embracing your creative wavelengths. You may find yourself being drawn up like a jewel from the bottom of the sea, rescued from a creative block. Just keep swimming. Whether it takes 3 months or 3 years, just keep swimming. 

They who go down to the sea and do business in deep waters will find what they were meant to do in life. Friend, you and I were created to do business in deep waters. In other words, we’re not supposed to have little dreams or little plans. We are supposed to have big dreams. We are supposed to go out into the deep things we were meant to do. Catch a wave and engage in business in these deep waters. But understand, when you’re out there, you can’t touch the ground. There’s a fear in swimming out into the deep be-cause it’s very likely you’ll be sacrificing your comfort of security for the ride or pursuing your dream. When you immerse yourself creatively into the deep sea, you’re taking the necessary risks to achieve greatness.

Difficult times will help you to understand how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way. Blue, to many, is known as a ‘sad’ color, but when you go out to sit back in the sand and watch the ocean, all of your troubles wash away. You are your own formula for success, just add salt water. Be like a mermaid, who has no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living, who in the ocean has found themselves and knows what makes them different. You must be odd to be number one. 

The only way to learn what you are capable of is to test yourself beyond what you are comfortable with. It will cause the deep things inside of you to come forth. To learn is to discover, to create is to go deeper. Removing all uncertainty you have of yourself, and the doubt you hear from others. You must believe in your creative abilities to continue persevering until you have made it to new shores—the new bodies of water you were meant to thrive in.

Photograph by Neave Bozorgi
This written work was also featured on Annex Magazine for the 'Wave of Pontus Issue'

Modern Entertaining Tips

6/8/2015

 
modern entertaining tips
We've learned table manners from our grandparents, we've seen the formality of dinner parties from old films, but when we do dinner parties now ourselves, we don't really do them. Today, we feel silly with the formality that used to be put on. Entertaining in general is so much more casual than what it used to be. Let's focus on bringing back graciousness at dinner parties, even casual get-togethers, and making them about the company we are choosing to keep and respecting the art of entertaining with grace.

When You're The Host
The host sets the tone. Dinner is, firstly, planned in your home: when you choose to be the entertainer, there is a responsibility that is entrusted on you to put together the entire affair. Your métier is to make everyone in your home feel comfortable and relaxed. This may be stressful, and it's alright to ask for help, but remember to stay poised. If you're running around in a state of panic, cursing if something falls on the floor, or seeming as if this event has caused nothing but stress to your day, your guests will feel like they are an inconvenience. Rather, focus on putting out relaxed energy that reveals how happy you are to have some of the greatest people you know gathered together under your roof. Think of this, if Emily Post wanted to entertain as a host, her guests will feel very well taken care of. 

I love it when someone hosts a dinner and really hosts it. I’d hate to see our generation lose what it means to host. It's alright to have a few potluck dinners, but don't be dead set on them for all your gatherings. It's not about how fancy your dinner is, it's about the feeling you get when you've gathered around good company.

Invitations
Physical letters in the mail may not literally be needed. We are trying to bring back the grace of entertaining, not forgetting that technology exists. However, with that said, possibly a phone call or a nicely designed email is much more gracious and thoughtful than a social media message.

Guests Arrival
Within the first few minutes, coats are off, proper introductions are been made, and everyone has a drink in their hand (whether that's champagne, coffee, or water.) It may also be a good idea to give most of your attention to the people you know the least. With your help, your guests will have a smooth transition from arriving to getting warmed up to the environment. 

Be Ready
When people first arrive, it's alright if you don't have everything finished. Often times, it will create a more friendly environment if you'll still be cooking the main course, or plating the salad. There are some things though, that should always be ready ahead of time: music playing, drinks are ready to be served and appetizers are available. 

Don't Be Late
The timing of a dinner party has a lot to do with what you're serving, but generally try to adhere to the idea of serving dinner within 45 minutes from the time people arrive to the point when everyone sits down for dinner. This gives guests time to nibble on appetizers, have a drink, and get comfortable with other people at the party.

Enjoy
Now that your preparations are done, dinner is complete, and your guests are comfortably gathered around the table, it's time to enjoy. Make an effort to have all phones put away during this time and really focus on each other. 

Keep the Principle
It's important to continue the essence of traditions. I’m really nostalgic and can hold on way too closely to the specifics of how something is done. It’s important to be able to let go of the specifics, but hold on to the intention. 

Photograph by Jonathan Wherrett

Finding Purpose from Within and Above

6/7/2015

 
finding your purpose
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” -Lucille Ball
How true is this quote? Lucille put all the right words together into a perfect phrase. As we approach our early twenties, it can be difficult to find ourselves as separate individuals. You ask yourself what your goals are, what you want to strive towards, and how you can make your dreams a plausible reality. Society convinces us into thinking we need the answers right at this moment. Thus, anxiety bundles in the hearts of young individuals, but the unknown should be seen as endless opportunities that are awaiting to happen and flourish. Living in the present only embraces the love for the journey and the fearlessness of the unknown. Darling, it is okay. Repeat this out loud: It is okay to not know the answers. This is the time to enjoy the journey of finding yourself. We are not allowed to foresee the future because life would simply be dull-no excitement or thrill or purpose. God has a purpose for everyone on this planet and we discover this purpose through living and not just merely existing.  If you have an interest, pursue it wholeheartedly until you find out if it is right or wrong for you. If you are unhappy, change your current situation. The best advice I can ever give someone is to follow your heart and ask for God’s direction because He only wants to see His children succeed in greatness.

You may be wondering why I am sharing this word of advice. I experienced a situation that was extremely terrifying during my first year of college and that was changing majors. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and then things suddenly changed. I decided to ask for God’s direction and asked Him to allow me see this darkness as an opportunity to flourish. Without darkness appearing, the light would never be appreciated. Even after changing majors, I still had no idea if this change was what I wanted. But I tried. I tried experiencing the unknown. As a result, I ended up loving my decision to change majors and pursue my dreams here in Los Angeles. Through numerous days of tears running down my face and hope being lost, I called to God and He answered. I am now finding myself and finding love from within.

Continuously ask questions and allow yourself to be curious. The way to conquer fear is by knowing every single aspect of that fear. God may not give the answers directly when we desire them most, but the answer will be given when it is meant to be voiced. His timing is in perfect harmony. You, along with God, are on this journey together and any form of darkness is only temporary. Finding inner peace is such an essential part of living, but the way to find inner peace is different for every individual. I can say that the first step in the process begins with you. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV. 

We go through these trials for a reason and I’ve learned it is because God wants us to explore. Being young is all about exploration. Correction, life in general is all about exploration. There is always room for growth and learning and opportunity. The day it stops? The day God has taken you into His hands. Remember: Life is meant to be lived in all forms: do not always play it safe, but always play it graciously.
   
Photograph from Tumblr 

About the Gracious Guest Author
Alexis Faber is currently attending FIDM (The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) and majoring in Merchandise Marketing. 
She is extremely ambitious with a warm heart, and has goals of working within publications. She currently resides in Los Angeles, California.

Learning to Love Yourself

6/3/2015

 
learning to love yourself
My darling, why don't you see what I see in you? There seems to be a royal disconnect between how the world sees your magnificence and the doubt you have within yourself. You are allowed to fail without being considered a failure. You are allowed to make mistakes and not be considered one. Make sure you're not seeing yourself through the eyes of those who do not value you. If you are feeling discouraged, here are some ways to remind you of the qualities you possess that you may have failed to remember. 

Honor Your Divinity
To 'honor your divinity' is such a stunning expression. To think of yourself this way, as someone who is blessed and divine, is a perfect way to remind yourself just how special, unique and magnificent every human being truly is, just like a precious jewel.

Polish Yourself Up
Polish yourself so that you shine. You need to devote a bit of time out of each day for yourself. Take very good care of your spiritual and physical self, because both facets are what make you, you. Focus on making both shine through your soul and you will always be lovely. 

Build An Authentic Self Esteem
Think about what makes you authentic. Where do you find your identity? What do you love about yourself and what are the blessed gifts in your life? What are your quirks and your flaws? All of these things are what make us beautiful. Write them down, draw them out, and surround yourself in their sparkle. 

Treat Others With Kindness And Respect

Yes, this helps. One of the things you must know to do when you are in the process of loving yourself is to learn to appreciate the lives of those around you. When you choose to bring joy in the lives of others, it will raise your happiness and self-respect. Often times, when we treat other people well, they begin to treat us the same way, too. 

Let Go Of What Happened In The Past
Everyone has a past, and there are some experiences inside our memories we might not necessarily be proud of today. Don't regret too much. We have all made mistakes that have made us the people we are today. Stop looking back, you'll miss where you want to go next. You are not just a product and a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions, learn why you made these mistakes and how you won't make similar ones again. Put them behind you and start to live again. You will grow. 

Be Persistent As You Work On Accepting Yourself 
Unconditional acceptance is a big part of learning to love yourself. Work on loving who you are right now, and work to become the person you'd wish to be. I always like to be in a constant state of self-improvement. But try to remember while you are working on yourself and making your soul grow, that you love the parts of you that you already are. 

One thought to end on: you must find these things within yourself, the fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself. 

Photograph from Tumblr 

The Fear of Commitment 

6/1/2015

 
alexis and jay
When did we become so afraid of this word? The word that everyone knows, but no one likes to be held accountable for. Commitment has nearly been obliterated from our culture’s vernacular and we shamelessly promote it through our lives with the actions we take. When things get rough in relationships, our first instinct is to leave rather than try to solve the issues or the tension we may have temporarily stumbled upon. If a lightbulb went out in your home, you fix the lightbulb. You don't go out looking to buy a new home. The same logic needs to be applied when trying to mend relationships. 

Generations ago, back when humans still interacted face-to-face, there was a bond that formed through simple spoken word. People talked, argued, resolved arguments, agreed, and carried on. No matter the difficulty or inconvenience, to uphold a promise made to another person was considered an act of love, service and ultimately respect. But today, perhaps because communication has become too easy and impersonal as sending a text, we’ve managed to stray remarkably far from being able to enjoy our relationships in the rich context we were meant to.

All of this has resulted from a by-product of another c-word: control. We are a part of the consumerist culture where we have been bought, taught and swindled by a message that says we can and should be able to control our worlds. If you want anything, it's accessible in an instant. If you've changed your mind about it, you return it back or sell it. If you want to feel involved in the lives of others, without actually having to initiate anything on your part at all, you can check your social networks, instantly. This has taught us that things and relationships are interchangeable. If this one doesn't work out, it's okay because there are plenty more in the sea. We no longer value the people or the things in front of us. We've turned off this part of our emotions of caring endlessly and working to keep one relationship alive, rather we are interchanging the people in our lives with ease. 

The issue with all of this is not only the physical disconnect we have with those around us, but we act as though there has been a cosmic decree that states we are entitled to life working out exactly the way we expect it to with minimal effort on our part, and maximum effort on behalf of everyone else. Then distressed is caused because of the lack of love and effort made in our relationships. Things begin to fall apart, and we aren't able to see why because our faces are buried deep into our phones. 

Commitment is tough. You have to actually stick around. When you love someone, and leave them so simply, you leave them with scars greater than they were signing up for. Getting up and leaving actually hurts more than cheating or simply being wrong for each other. When a relationship just dies down and ends, you not only feel the feelings of a lost love but the feelings of lost hope: in a future love and in yourself. It's an inexplainable ending, as feelings have just been cut short, and you almost wish there was an actual reason for ending the relationship because hating someone is easier to get over than missing someone. 

Do we really want to toss aside our loves as if they were paper-thin, mediocre acquaintances because of the smallest of problems? Or do we want our words to remain true and honest, allowing us to plunge much deeper and weather even the harshest of storms in our lives? Commitment is the anchor that keeps us afloat when we feel the pull to drown; enabling us to go beyond what naturally we would be comfortable with to brave newer and greater heights, to hold us to something bigger than just our own self-interest, and to carve in our hearts a new c-word to replace the fear: courage.

Have the courage to stay with the love that you know you never want to lose. All it takes is a bit of effort. Focus your time on this person and less on social. Stay true to your commitments rather than sending a quick, careless cancellation text. Commit to your word and commit to your relationships. 

Before you go on and tell someone how much you love them, please reconsider every situation where they could possibly fail you and whether or not you’d still be willing to allow the aforementioned trio of syllables to dance off your lips. Before you say “I love you” please understand that those words are warmly embracing, not only your perception of who that person is today but, every part of them you've yet to discover. These three words are used so loosely in relationships now, we have forgotten what they mean. Love isn't an emotion you feel in a moment, it's an all encompassing expression of how you feel of someone always. Besides, our words, every time we repeat them, begin to mean nothing. I love you, I love you, I love you. Nothing. You're careless with your words and careless with your commitments. You don't have to love someone perfectly, but love them graciously. So when pain, inevitably, seeps through the cracks and you begin to look back and question this persons every intention, you’ll be reminded of the person you were first attracted to. You’ll be reminded to love, and see them, as God intended. You'll want to commit and stay. 

May this beautiful struggle tell of the love that redeemed us.

Photograph from Alexis Ren

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    Filled with advice we have learned only through the journey of life, this page focuses on learning to grow as an individual and being the best version of you. We encourage minds to grow and thrive as intellectuals.


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