Photograph from "Child of the Rift Valley" by Freddy Tondeur and Patricia Crampton, 1979.

We've been led to believe that motivation is the key to maintaining success. But the truth may be that desire might not always strike when you have a demanding project with a deadline nearing, or when your alarm wakes you at 6am to exercise before you start your day. 

Motivation is like a fleeting thought. It's tested when at 6am your alarms are going off to get you up to work out; but it's cold outside and the bed is at its warmest and softest. Now tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day everything will change. Tomorrow you'd have had a full nights rest and will leap gracefully out of bed and run to the gym. You'll fight, power through, and change all tomorrow. 

Motivation is defined by the desire to do something. But often times, it feels as though we are only eager at the thought of productivity and not at actually doing the work. The secret to keeping momentum and getting yourself up every morning is the want and will to succeed. That's the only thing that will push you through. You must push yourself past the first 25 minutes of exhaustion, of uninspiring work and be patient enough to fall into your flow. 

The feeling of accomplishment you feel after you've completed your project, workout, or responsibility is truly unexplainable. Being productive and knowing you're getting great things done is a feeling we should feel everyday. 

That's all you need. Not this silly idea of 'motivation' and fancy quotes to get you riled up. All you need is the want to accomplish something, and pushing hard until it feels natural and time is no longer an active factor. Sticking to a accomplishing a goal takes a lot of emotional strength to want to do. All it requires is consistency, discipline, and being present. You have those three things and anything you set your mind to is possible. 

You must find what is worth it to you. When you are at the point of wanting to push yourself towards a goal, but you're feeling unmotivated to act, you're going to ask yourself how much this means to you. That reminder is what is going to propel you forward, get you on your feet, with a clear head. It is in that moment that everything will actually change. It's that moment that defines you. 

Imagine if you lived a life like you dreamed. If you got up every morning, exercised and took care of your body first, cleared your mind and properly got ready for your day. There's a calmness in your step. You feel energized and refreshed, and at ease because you're not uncomfortably rushing through your day. This is what it feels like to have control in your life. The rest of your day naturally follows how you started. Keep this momentum and performing your responsibilities won't feel like chores anymore, they will feel necessary and normal. That is the secret to the real 'motivation' we all strive for. 

There are twenty-four hours in a day. How do you want to spend them? Time is the one thing we spend we don't get back. How do we create a sort of discipline I've seen star athletes and extremely successful business people who take advantage of every moment in their schedule to propel themselves forward in their field, while still finding time to enjoy the pleasures of life? Whether superstars are training, working, or nourishing, it's important to also have recovery days not to get burnt out. But when I look at true all stars, they seem to have very few off days.

How does someone maintain a sort of discipline? 

These over-achievers are what most people wish they can set out to accomplish, and this is what their reality looks like: they get more done in twenty-four hours than an average person would accomplish in over a week or sometimes more. 

Your entire life and how you live is affected by how you think. Train your mind, and you can accomplish anything it can imagine: 

Fully Commit to Focusing
Anytime you take on a task or responsibility, be fully committed and focus on your actions. 

When you see an athlete out on the field for a big rivalry game, he is fully committed in earning the team a winning outcome. They only have one thing on their mind: the game. 

Invest yourself in your task, and you'll get better work done at an even more productive rate. If you feel yourself drifting out of focus, have a safe word you whisper to bring yourself back. Center yourself and your mind, take a deep breath and begin again. 

Learning how to focus your mind takes a bit of brain training. If you are able to maximize your environment and train your brain everyday, focused mindsets are easier to achieve and can happen much more often. 

Single Focus Over Multitasking 
We are not designed to be able to take on more than one task at the same time. It takes longer to complete, more mistakes are made, and the results are not impressive. 

Keep the 'open tabs' on your screen to a minimum:
We often think we're doing work when we have one tab open for our work, and think are excellent multi-taskers because we are also checking our emails. Then we're in the mood to do all of our social connection updates and before we know it Instagram is open, Messenger is open, Facebook is open; you click on an interesting but random read or an inspiringly funny video and you're way off task. 

Turn off any possible distractions and keep your attention and efforts centralized. Focus on one task and you will not only complete the task in a timely matter, it will also be a job well done because of the kind of work you decidedly put into it. 

Uphold Your Work Flow
It takes an average of twenty-five minutes to effortlessly get lost in your work, to enter your flow state. Life is all about building a momentum. It's getting to the point where the world around you feels blurred, time means nothing to you, and you and the thing you're doing feels as though they've become one. The only thing you're focused on is what you're doing. That's bliss. This is the flow state. Then someone sends you a text message and you check right away to respond. You're back at your computer, hoping to get right back into the groove of things. Text message received, respond again, check a notification, and you're gone because your focus has now turned elsewhere. Each time it's broken, you restart the process that took twenty-five minutes, while using up your brain's resources. Essentially you're slowly growing exhausted by these distractions and the task turns unpleasant and too tiring to complete. 

Super-achievers know interruptions are major productivity killers, so they keep themselves in check and avoid them at all costs. There's good reason why CEO's need private offices with locks on the doors. 

You don't have to keep yourself locked up to be productive, so long as you find a quiet space where you won't be bothered and turn off all notifications for the hour or so. 

Surround Yourself with Other Super-Achievers
When you surround your life with other people who are working for success, you naturally rise to sustain that same motivation and momentum. Be mindful who you choose to spend the majority of your time with, while still respecting all the people currently in your life. 

Control Feelings and Emotions
It's a stereotype that big bosses are 'cold' and 'brutal,' but the truth is, there are some things in life not worth crying or getting upset at or giving your energy to. They have one thing on their mind: progress. Their focus causes them to remove negative emotions from clouding their field of vision. Nevertheless, they are still humans, but their feelings are never bottled up. Super-achievers know how to manage their emotions in ways that work best for them. They rely on an relieving practice such as meditation, journaling, or working out, going for walks.

Find something that works best for you and stick to it. It takes twenty-one days to form a habit, make this a good one. It should never feel like a chore, this is meant to relax and center you. It might feel tedious after a few days past the honeymoon stage, but fight through it for just two or three more days and this will feel like your comfort place and it will feel like something you want or even need to do. 

Keep Moving Forward

These super-achievers are always thankful for what they have accomplished and earned. However, these victories do not override the hard work it took to get there. One success does not grant one eternal celebration and rest. One success always leads to the next and celebrations should then be many and often. 

These achievers take very few breaks and shift back into focus towards the next dream on the list very quickly. These are the people who want success to be on a continuum. It's not one race they want to win and be proud for, it's how they want to live everyday for the rest of their lives. 

* Article updated in 2023*

In honor of Kobe Bryant and his incredible work ethic, I also wanted to share this article written by Arish Dubash who used to work with Kobe. This is an amazing resource of Mamba Mentality and what Kobe did day in and day out to become the Legend he will always be. The world surely will miss him forever. I am grateful we have such an incredible teacher to look up to and learn from. Mamba Forever. Rest in Paradise, King. 

8 Ways to Immortalize Kobe Bryant’s Work Ethic Into Your Daily Life

Photograph from USC Athletics

As students begin receiving acceptance letters, it's the time of year where preparations for school in the fall commence. During summer, we get to reassess, set our own set of goals, and get into shape, both mentally and physically. These can be extensions of our new year resolutions or completely new ones as we start a new life at school again. We have a lot of responsibilities on our plates, a lot of pressure to do great things, and to do them well. It's not enough to be admitted to the best school in the nation; you have to be great while you're there too. It's not only about being present for all your classes, but to excel in your studies and be involved too. 

We've previously discussed on this blog about how difficult our 20's are. Being in an awkward transition stage of growing up and being on our own, but still having our parents on speed dial if our bank accounts go below $45 for groceries. It's the time in our lives where we need to figure things out, make smart choices that will better our future, but still enjoy our youth in all its glory at the same time. This is the perfect time to at least try to get your life in order and know the general direction you'd like to go. 

Let's take a look at these responsibilities, and how we can manage them this school year. 

School | Academics
This is absolutely your most important priority. Whether you're a working student, or have prior commitments; you possibly wouldn't be who you are, or have the opportunities you may have without being at the school you currently are in. So it's important you do your best to stay there. There's no need to pressure yourself in acing all of your classes. What is important is that you have chosen a major that you genuinely love. If you have found that, as long as you pay attention in class, do your readings, submit your homework in which you put effort in, and you are learning something, you will find that your grades go hand in hand with that. 

Extracurriculars
Here is where the fun begins. This is your chance to be involved with something bigger than the classroom. You will find when you are involved with clubs and organizations on campus you grow your network much faster, enrich your academic experience as a whole, get hands-on experience in leadership, social strengths, and time management and you also deepen your life experience. It's another responsibility to add to your list, but it's one that you will thank yourself for when this involvement exposed you to the right people, opened doors for beautiful opportunities, or helped you realize what you wanted to do when you leave school on a bigger scale. We learn about ourselves and the world around us when we are involved with extracurriculars. 

Work | Financial
Now that we are on our own, some may be responsible for our own wealth. There are two primary reasons why students have a job while being in school: this job is in the field we have dreamed of, we may already be in the industry we were working towards or are one step closer, or we need to pay for rent and start saving to pay off our loans soon. 

Health
Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival. If these requirements are not met, the human body cannot function properly and will ultimately fail. This is an important reminder that food is a metabolic requirement for survival. Alcohol should also not be a main component of your diet plan. Remind yourself the importance of eating at least three times a day, and try to eat as healthy or filling as you can make due. 

Also, don’t forget about making sleep a priority! Getting enough rest is crucial in developing a healthy lifestyle, so observe your sleeping patterns to see if there’s anything you could adjust to make your nighttime rituals more steady. It may be difficult with the amount of homework you have to go through or when choosing to go out with friends late, but make an effort to sleep. 

The struggles and stress that comes with juggling academics, social standing, personal standing, and income may be a heavy burden. There are many ways to figuring out how to do everything and excel at it all. The first part is not putting so much pressure in yourself to accomplish everything and to accomplish it all perfectly. Once this pressure is released, we can take a look at our list of responsibilities with less worry and anxiety for the rest of the semester. Rather we can take a look at the list with ambition and excitement of the growth and experiences to come. After releasing the pressure you put on yourself and prioritizing your list, create a realistic schedule of your time and how you will be able to manage each task and job on a daily basis. Organization and keeping yourself aligned is the key to being successful. Lastly, after all the technicalities have been ironed out, after your calendar has been made and you are aware of the goals you set, the last part of the equation is your mind. If you can believe you can accomplish everything you placed on your plate, then you are capable of fulfilling these goals. Put yourself in the mindset of continuously achieving greatness, and you will always meet yourself there. 

Photograph from Romeo and Juliet
​
Indecision ungraciously propels us to change our minds all of the time. Whether done with or without a controlled thought, this continuous change in what we do, or what we set out to do may exasperate others. Even more so, there's a wastefulness that results from constantly changing our minds and our own irresolution can self-inflict a myriad of negative outcomes in our lives and our work.

For those of us who may be guilty of continuously changing our opinions or thought process may know the root of this is essentially fear. This fear, this ambivalence, can paralyze us into a state of idleness. We fear to make a mistake so we refrain from making any moves at all. However, we all know the saying: not making a decision is a decision in itself. Fear of failure means you are already considering it an option. 

Feelings are tough; processing, trying to have a clear head all while in your bones you are firm in what you feel. It’s real. There are many factors involved and some you’ll never have the answer to. Being able to remove the fear and doubt by focusing on choosing a path with an open mind for changes. Don't finalize all decisions with certainty, because life always has a funny way of working out or falling apart. See your options, guide yourself towards what feels right, and always leave room for adjustments as you walk through this journey. 

Here's some suggestions when you need some help practicing strategies in decision making:

Step Back, Look At The Big Picture
Start by looking at the facts, and consider a bigger picture in a purely objective light. Research and gather as much information you'll need to make an informed decision. Ask yourself questions about how it will affect your life or the lives of those around you. Consider the short-term and long-term possible outcomes. Consider all options to be sure the choices you make are not ones made carelessly, but chosen carefully. 

Seek Balanced Opinions
You are not alone in this world. There are people who care about you deeply. Don't be afraid to ask a trusted friend over coffee what their opinion is. Get an outside perspective and take it into consideration. However, don't follow that path just because your friend suggested it. You must know it within yourself as well. Asking someone else will sometimes help you get a better understanding of the situation you're in because they see it from a different light on the outside. They may see things you didn't catch, but you also feel things they may not feel. Thus why we take both into account. Include yourself in this intentional subjective journey and do not dismiss your own intuition feelings. You may want to meditate on the decision at hand, relative to your own values, or pray for spiritual guidance.

Be Honest With Yourself
You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings. Also, when you are setting up the expectations you want for yourself, set a tangible goal. Reach further than you think is possible, but formulate a plan of action based on what you have gathered, learned and determined. Whether the goal requires one step or a hundred steps, establish how you are going to achieve it. You can achieve it. 

Evaluate, but Look Forward
Don't dwell on the past, but it's good to check in on yourself and be reminded of your progress. Everyday while you're on this journey you don't really notice your progression. That is until you pause, and take a look back. Recognize any unanticipated consequences, but the focus on doing so should be purely for the sake of personal growth. There is a big difference between constructive self-evaluation, versus second guessing yourself along the way. 

Know His Plan For You
When you walk with Him, the choices you make seem simpler. You may feel alone here trying to figure out which path you should be set on to go to, but know that His plan for you is already written out and you must simply follow. Wake up early, work hard, and be ambitious. Keep your priorities straight, your mind in the right place, and your head up. Do well, live well and dress really well. Do what you love, love what you do. It is time to start living. Your life will fall into place. No reason to be indecisive. 

                                   “Bloom where you are planted.” - Saint Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva (1567-1611)

At one time or another, chances are you’ve read these words as self-motivation and inspiration. It’s a timeless quote echoing the sentiments of our hearts desire - to flourish, grow and live out what we were originally created and capable of doing.

What this quote doesn’t speak of though is the courage it takes to bloom where you are, regardless of the season you’re in. The foundation for blooming is finding the courage it takes to push through the dirt. At times the journey can be agonizing, mysterious, and filled with doubt but it can also be filled with exquisite beauty as we reach new heights and evolve into our truly authentic selves. 

Here’s some ways you can embrace courage and bloom wherever you are: 

Appreciate the season you’re in
Every season serves a particular purpose and it’s important to remain planted in each. More than remaining planted, learn to appreciate and be grateful for what they can teach you. Not every season is enjoyable, desirable or comfortable. Some seasons may require sacrifice and in others you may receive abundant favour. Yet, we can take heart that God is working on the details of our heart and preparing things for us in the background that we’re yet to see.

Have the courage to remain planted and faithful where you are. See the beauty in it and see it through to the end. The downpour of rain you feel overwhelmed by at the moment may actually be what is needed to wash you clean and give you a fresh slate to begin again. Appreciation always paves the way for growth.

Do the courageous, daily
Or in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Years ago I took up this quote as a personal challenge in order to break through the barriers of depression and anxiety. In that particular season in my life, depression and anxiety crippled the ability to flourish where I was. It caused me to retreat inwardly instead of letting the beauty inside of me shine or remain authentically connected in community with people. It hindered me from confidently taking hold of opportunities and believing in myself. It clouded my vision for the future and I felt consistently anxious to be fully alive in the present. 

This quote challenged me in the best of ways. By acknowledging what “scared” me in every day situations and then choosing to do it anyway caused me to grow in an invaluable way. Each new experience expanded my world and fed life to me. More than that, it allowed me to push through the dirt that was holding me back. Courage is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it becomes and the better you become at overcoming greater challenges. Doing the courageous and what isn’t comfortable may not seem pretty in that time, but it will allow you to move forward, bloom and become the best version of yourself. 

Letting go in order to grow
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to simply let go - letting go of preconceived ideas, relationships, responsibilities, attitudes, habits and more. Everything we do and engage in either builds us up or tears us down. There will always come a time when the only way we can bloom and grow is to prune and let go of what’s dead in our lives so that we can come alive again. Jim Rohn says this so bluntly, “If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” That’s the beauty of being human - we choose how our story is written and the degree to which we blossom into the authentic lady God so desires us to be.

Whatever season you find yourself in at the moment, be courageous enough to continue pushing through. Remain steadfast and faithful. Appreciate where you are. Do the uncomfortable and push the boundaries. Remember that every bud blossoms in its own time and you will only bloom where you are planted. Above all, don’t forget to enjoy the journey of blossoming into who you really are and living out the life you’re capable of living because of it.

Photograph by Lars Wästfelt

My darling, why don't you see what I see in you? There seems to be a royal disconnect between how the world sees your magnificence and the doubt you have within yourself. You are allowed to fail without being considered a failure. You are allowed to make mistakes and not be considered one. Make sure you're not seeing yourself through the eyes of those who do not value you. If you are feeling discouraged, here are some ways to remind you of the qualities you possess that you may have failed to remember. 

Honor Your Divinity
To 'honor your divinity' is such a stunning expression. To think of yourself this way, as someone who is blessed and divine, is a perfect way to remind yourself just how special, unique and magnificent every human being truly is, just like a precious jewel.

Polish Yourself Up
Polish yourself so that you shine. You need to devote a bit of time out of each day for yourself. Take very good care of your spiritual and physical self, because both facets are what make you, you. Focus on making both shine through your soul and you will always be lovely. 

Build An Authentic Self Esteem
Think about what makes you authentic. Where do you find your identity? What do you love about yourself and what are the blessed gifts in your life? What are your quirks and your flaws? All of these things are what make us beautiful. Write them down, draw them out, and surround yourself in their sparkle. 

Treat Others With Kindness And Respect
Yes, this helps. One of the things you must know to do when you are in the process of loving yourself is to learn to appreciate the lives of those around you. When you choose to bring joy in the lives of others, it will raise your happiness and self-respect. Often times, when we treat other people well, they begin to treat us the same way, too. 

Let Go Of What Happened In The Past
Everyone has a past, and there are some experiences inside our memories we might not necessarily be proud of today. Don't regret too much. We have all made mistakes that have made us the people we are today. Stop looking back, you'll miss where you want to go next. You are not just a product and a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions, learn why you made these mistakes and how you won't make similar ones again. Put them behind you and start to live again. You will grow. 

Be Persistent As You Work On Accepting Yourself 
Unconditional acceptance is a big part of learning to love yourself. Work on loving who you are right now, and work to become the person you'd wish to be. I always like to be in a constant state of self-improvement. But try to remember while you are working on yourself and making your soul grow, that you love the parts of you that you already are. 

One thought to end on: you must find these things within yourself, the fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself. 

Photograph from Tumblr 

When you work a full week, and then spend the entire weekend obsessing over your inbox or uncompleted drafts, you tend to reach a point of almost losing it. I don't only mean your sanity because of exhaustion, but also who you are in your craft. It's easy to get lost in the rustle and bustle of all the work that needs to be done. And after some time, if you don't allow yourself to step back from all the work and reassess, you may forget why you started doing the work you're doing now in the first place. 

While your friends will be dining on poached eggs drenched in hollandaise at the café around the corner for brunch tomorrow morning, you might find yourself staring into the black whole that is your laptop screen, with espresso in hand, forgetting all about the sunshine outside. 

You, like many other stay-at-home creatives, have a slight complication. You’re what we call a WWW: a Wired Weekend Workaholic. When the work hours of your day are pretty much all day long, work and play is as blurry as your 2 a.m. computer vision. As a workaholic, taking a break and trying to switch your brain off to give it a breather is foreign to you. Here is where we step in and graciously guide you away from your craft for two days to simply detox, and help you realize why you work so hard in the first place.

Switch Off
Come the weekend, if you find yourself glued so tightly to your phone that your family and friends are pulling it away from your grip as you scream, 'Just one more e-mail!' I think it's time. However, I think completely shutting off all your devices for two days may be unnecessary. Considering you may be planning to interact with other humans and need to schedule dates, get directions and snap photos of your adventure, or if you're simply going on a single date around town or out-of-town to sit and think. But vow to yourself to refrain from responding to anything work related, especially if it is distracting you from the people in front of you, or the thoughts that may be formulating in your head. 

Make a List
Not a list of work to accomplish, but a list of adventures and memories you'd like to create, a list of thinks to think about and consider, a list of things to be grateful for, a list of how far your work has brought you today, and my personal favorite: where you'd like to see yourself progress. This can almost seem work related, but notice the difference; it's you reflecting on your work, not aimlessly continuing to work. 

Relax
Truly relax, and not force yourself to try and unwind. Pacing up and down your hallway and sternly telling yourself to ease into a day of simple stress-free living is about as calming as taking a final you haven't studied for in a class you desperately need to pass in order to graduate. If you stop trying to force yourself into unwinding, it’ll eventually come along and swaddle you in its cushioned, chamomile-scented arms. 

Do Things that is not suitable for Technology
There is one amazing, natural element that all technological devices can't go near: water. Draw yourself a long, hot bath, head to your local pool and go out for a swim, take a stroll down the nearest beach and immerse your body into the beautiful salt water, or take a trek out to a nearby lake or waterway for a paddle. Long walks and adventures of the like will simply put some distance between you and your laptop—just don’t 'accidentally' walk into a café with free Wi-Fi. You’re not fooling anyone.

Be Realistic
Planning a beautifully gracious weekend completely with friends, family, or just for yourself may leave you feeling anxious and upset if you fail at the improbable expectations for your workless weekend. Create a beautiful weekend relaxing schedule, but leave some wiggle room. 

Reward Yourself
It's Sunday evening, you have maintained some self-control, rejuvenated your brain cells and achieved sweet, sweet nothing workwise this weekend. Congratulations! Good behavior should always be rewarded. Go buy yourself that fancy dinner you have been craving for; take yourself out! Pour yourself a glass of wine, pamper yourself with a mani pedi or a buy new outfit. You surely deserve it. 

My newest philosophy I have begun to follow is  the phrase 'Work hard, play hard.' You may have heard of this before. You get the best of everything life has to offer: during the week, work incredibly hard to accomplish your dreams. But set at least one or two days aside for enjoying your youth, your successes thus far, and the wonderful people currently in your life today. 

Happy weekend. Enjoy it.

First photograph from Tumblr. Second photograph by Sarah Sherman Samuel

As people get older, they realize that time is more valuable than money. And finding more time to do absolutely nothing is perhaps exactly what we all need. 

It’s the stuff of gods and infants—the birthplace of great works of art, philosophy and science. The habit of doing nothing at all is important to our individual and cultural well-being, yet it seems to be dying in our digitized age.

It's far from laziness; proper idleness is the soul’s home base. Don't replace being idle with being unproductive. Think of it as time spent thinking, learning about yourself, and doing so in a way you are at peace with everything in the world. Before we plan, love, decide, act, or storytell, we are idle. Before we learn, we watch. Before we achieve, we dream. Before we play, we imagine. The idle mind is awake but unconstrained, free to slip untethered from idea to idea or meander from potential theory to potential truth. Thomas Aquinas argued that “It is necessary for the perfection of human society that there should be men who devote their lives to contemplation.”

I have found that idleness might be a lost skill. How often do we sit, serenely unoccupied? How often do we walk and free the mind with no agenda or destination, present and free? It has become an uncommon sight to be a solitary individual, with your head not buried in a newspaper or laptop or phone; simply sitting—your mind long wandered off. A mind adrift in a sea of its own making is far more interesting than a mind following a trail of hyperlinks. 

Productivity is not the only measure of time well spent. I’m convinced that time spent idle makes for a healthier state of mind. You need time away from social and other influences in order to clearly make decisions on your own. You must find the balance between the two; being completely idle and being extraordinarily accomplishing. You need both in order to let the right influences in your life and make clear, focused choices in life. 

Plus, the relationship we have with our beds should be broken less often. Staying in bed with my cat are the kind of days I enjoy so much I'm not really able to describe. It's the smallest and simplest act of spending the day with an animal who only brings you joy and makes you at ease that never makes me want to really do anything else. I make sure I have at least one day out of the week where I stay home in bed, with him purring by my side, and I am left with nothing but my thoughts. I think aloud and contemplate life; the choices I have made in the past, if they have made me a better individual, and the choices I need to make in the future. It's my time to get away from everything else. And it leaves me only with my thoughts. This time spent idle is time I would not want to spend doing anything else. 

We want less and are more at peace when we are idle. We sleep better and work harder. Simpler things bring us joy. When we daily observe our immediate surroundings, we are more grounded in our context, more attuned to the rhythms of whatever season or place we are in.

Photograph from Blue Lagoon

The bravest and hardest thing one can do is to let go of what isn’t meant for them. Physically, mentally and spiritually. This act requires bravery because it makes us come to the realization of a truth we are not prepare to admit to. We are too inclined to stay safe in our comfort zones. But it's through this act of being honest with ourselves when we are able to grow. The moment we free ourselves of all that we think we are and step into who we are really meant to become is the moment we can begin to live as we should. When we feel our soul wanting to break free from the boundaries that we set for ourselves, we know it is time to let go.

I have recently been hit by the thought that you can dream and work as hard as you want but you must consider the reality that your success is a two way street. Yes, ultimately the measure of your success relies on how hard you push and keep persevering, but you also come down a road that requires someone else's power to allow you to keep going. Whether this is a college admissions advisor, a hiring manager, how many 'likes' and page views your website gets etc. Because the last ingredient needed for your success is the approval, respect, views, and the decision of others. Because it is those things that drive your success right after the hard work and the love. Your success relies on how many people believe in you and it comes down to whether society allows you to make it to the top. That is the one thing that you cannot control and it has been through experiencing rejection a bit too many times that really made me rethink this perspective and consider the best way to tackle it. It's to let it go. Not the persevering and the love and the continued effort, you keep pushing for those. What you let go is the fear, the feelings of rejection, failure, and the pressure you put on yourself.

It's difficult to come to terms with, especially when you are so passionate and in love with what you do and you have that desperation of wanting to be recognized for your work. But you must stop worrying and realize that there is only so much you can do and only so hard you can work. You can prepare the best portfolio you can present and send as many thoughtful packages of your work to prospective jobs, but the decision whether or not you will be admitted to this institution or given the job of your dreams, comes down to the moment whether they want you or not. Once you understand this, you will know that it's not a mistake on your part, there is nothing wrong with you. I know this because the moment I get rejected for anything, my immediate thought is "What did I do wrong?" 

I am also speaking on a grander scale of things. For example, I want to be a writer. My dream job is to be an editor of a publication. That is my 'big picture' goal. Now getting down into the very specifics, I have a decision to make for which publication I'd want to be a part of. But after being rejected a few times I have learned that you can't really choose which magazine you become an editor for. You can choose the ones you apply to, but the publication makes the decision to accept you or not. My big picture goal is still the same whether I apply for a publication in Los Angeles, Portland or New York City. Maybe I think applying to a publication in NYC is what is right for me but it actually isn't meant to be. That's what you have to let go. You thought this one job was going to be the one for you, but it's in fact not where you are supposed to end up.  I strongly believe that God never tells you no. He says to you only three things; 'Yes,' 'Not right now,' or 'Wait, I have something better.' He will place you where you are meant to go. 

Let go of the things you cannot control and allow life to run it's course. Do not lose hope when you are consistently rejected; let go of the feelings of failure and persevere through the hurt. It didn't work out because that possibly was not meant for you. Do not let go of your perseverance, I'm telling you to keep pushing. But don't put so much pressure on yourself to get a certain amount of attention. 

Illustration from Tumblr

You’ve graduated. College is over. You’re moving back home. The start of summer is often a time of transition and, for a lot of us, a time of returning home after a long absence. 

I got a taste of living alone for a little less than a year while I was in school, and though that isn't really a lot of time away from home, it was definitely a big step moving away from my family for the first time. And may I tell you it ended way too soon. When I returned home after graduating, my uncle had lost his job and made himself at home in my room, my two younger brothers shared a small room where I had to make due with them for over a month and with over-bearing parents right down the hall, you can imagine it took a bit of an adjustment after having a year of solitary freedom. 

Home is a strange in-between land where memories linger and new experiences that have molded us play for position with nostalgia and old habits. Let us strive to use the familiar as a catalyst for the future without being too hard on ourselves with the pressure to go out there again. Going home may be difficult and an emotional time. Let us take what we’ve learned as a lens to our history, finding lessons and filling in holes along the way. 

Realize You’ve Changed While You’ve Been Gone
You learned more about yourself than you ever could have imagined, you experienced life in the best way and you have matured and grown as an individual. Your family might find this difficult to adjust to because all they see is someone who has now come back different from the young caterpillar they let go of in the beginning. Especially when they weren't there for the changes, and in my case, really on board with the changes. But trust yourself and trust your journey. Hold tight to the truth that you are your best advocate. This life you’ve been living? You’re doing a brilliant job, scars and all.

Realize Your Home Has Changed While You’ve Been Gone
Bring a perspective of gracious acts and gratitude home with you. Just as you’ve been on a journey that your family might not understand, they have been on their own journeys, too. Seek to understand their stories, and you may even find you are on similar paths.

Give Yourself Space and Time to Readjust
Don't expect to jump back into everything like you never left. In fact, you may find that old interests, possessions, and people you knew no longer add value to your life, and that it is time to let them go. Do so with a mind towards health, growth, and freeing up space in your heart for fresh things. Let the new growth take root. Take as much time as you need to learn what you need to learn. To find a new job. To heal your heart. To get as much of mom’s home-cooking as you can. To take as many camping trips with your dad as you can manage. To struggle with it all for as long as you need. To sit in the coffee shop where you wrote all during high school and to think, “I want to start writing deeper thoughts and poetry again.” 

Use this free time, free rent, and free food to really think about what you want out of life. This is your chance to get everything back together and take a quick break after some rigorous college work and crazy adventures with friends. I have learned that being back at home after being gone puts you in a different perspective and gives you the chance to truly question yourself more. And now, after being moved out and learning about yourself and the outside world, you are able to ask yourself the right questions. 

Don't Get Too Comfortable 
This is a transitional phase. A time for you to either enjoy life and take a break without having to worry about responsibilities, have a job and save enough to really leave and stay on your feet for a while, or have this be a place to stay until you start school again or get married and move out with your love. Whatever you're transitioning into, make sure this is a transition stage. Your parents are great and it's perfectly okay to be back home after graduating but don't get comfortable and stay here forever. 

And when the time comes, you’ll be able to say, “I went home. And it was difficult, it was beautiful and it is part of me. I learned, I grew, I spent my time wisely.”

Photograph from Tumblr