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The Gracious Lady
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She writes and shares stories because there are words at the edge of fingertips and mouths persistent to be declared, discussed and defined. Here is a gathered collection of words from both the deep and not so deep chasm that are thoughts, stories and words every gracious individual must know.

When I Say I Love You

7/5/2015

 
brandie ribeiro
Love. What is it really? An adjective, noun, or verb? Possibly all three. We are constantly throwing this word around. For example. “I love my dog. I love drinking coffee. I love you.” Yet, each is different. They all mean so much in their own way.

The Little Things
Call it a hobby, a passion, or maybe a guilty pleasure. In the end, it is something that we enjoy doing. It is that little thing that makes us happy. It brings us into our own world and releases the burden and the worries that we may carry on our shoulders. It is up to us, what we do with this “this little thing.” We can keep it intimate and to ourselves or we can share it with others; as long as we are happy doing what we love. “Follow your passion. It will lead to your purpose” - Oprah Winfrey

Friendship and Family
This love is close to our hearts, it feels as if we were born already loving these people. It’s one with an abundant amount of trust and forgiveness. The moments with our family and friends are irreplaceable and kept in a special place in our hearts.  From watching grandparents dancing in the kitchen to sitting in a circle laughing and reminiscing.  At the end of the day, our family and friends may be all that we have or maybe all that we really need.

That Special Someone
Life is extremely fast paced, we are all in a race to reach our dreams and become successful. Unexpectedly, a person walks into our lives, sets a tent in our hearts, and maps out a route to a destination of forever. We catch ourselves getting lost in their eyes and throwing the map out the window. The world continues to move fast but we are at a stop in time with that person. This feeling takes over and we find ourselves at ease and not in a rush. And we are perfectly okay with that; reality has finally become better than our dreams.

An Everlasting Love
We are all made from love. God’s greatest gift is this. The greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, mind, and soul. Do we love Him? Yes, we do. Do we fail him? Daily. Does He love us? More than we will ever know. Has He ever failed us? Never. God said, “You do not have to worry about love. For as long as I am existing, you will be loved.” God’s love is consistent and unconditional. He is a merciful God. He cares for us with arms wide open, no matter what we do.

This feeling is a simple thing. We are born with it embedded in us. It is wanting happiness for others even if it may come before your own. Love is not selfish; it is accepting the fact that we are human and we are not perfect. We all make mistakes. It is about patience, trust and forgiveness. It is about passion, strength, and motivation.

Photograph by Jessica Tremp 

About the Gracious Guest Author
Brandie Ribeiro is a Fashion Design student with a focus on Bridal Design. She believes God gave us all our own talents. It is our duty to use our talents. God gave me the talent to make people feel beautiful. He gave me this talent to sew and design and to see things from a different perspective. 
He blessed me with parents who raised me with love and taught me to do everything I do with love. Doing my talent with love has brought me to bridal design. It is my honor to turn a bride’s dream into reality and make her feel her most beautiful on the special day.

Striving For Success Over Fame

6/29/2015

 
success
No, the two aren't parallel. Fame may be a result of the thing you are successful for, but to be successful doesn't always make you famous, or fame doesn't ever necessarily mean success. Today, we seem to be mixing the two and we are prioritizing our goals in life incorrectly. 

Last night, I read an article about a survey taken on 5-10-year-olds who were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. The top two answers were that they wanted to be rich and famous. I asked my brother, who is currently ten, the same question. His response was, in fact, to be famous as well. So I asked him what he wanted to be famous for and he didn't really understand what I was trying to ask. "What do you mean? I just want to be famous!" Yes but what for? What do you want to accomplish in society that will better the lives of others and have fame just be a bonus, a result of what you have accomplished? "No, that's too much work, I'll just keep making Vine videos, okay?" 

We have created monsters. This is what they are exposed to; this is the world they have access to: the entertainment industry and the infamous social media influencers. In result of this unlimited reach into the virtual world, there are no boundaries to what kids are exposed to. They were born into this so they don't know anything else. We can't really blame them, we can only blame ourselves of allowing this to be a priority in their lives. We are raising the next generation to care about how many Instagram followers they have as the definition of being successful, and we are losing the will to want to help others. Social workers are what keep the world alive. Firefighters, doctors, policemen, and essentially the life changers. Where are they? We need more of you. 

If parents wanted to actually give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach them to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence. This is the mindset we have to strive towards now moving forward. 

Success may often come without fame. However, the way we can approach is it that we can strive for personal and social success and only hope that fame becomes a result of that. There's a difference between wanting to be noticed for your craft and just wanting to be noticed. You can be an incredibly talented writer who has the power to influence lives. This writing process helps you survive your own battles, and maybe even a few of those around you. But to be able to positively influence a large group of the members of society and help them fight through their battles too is a noble act and definitely one to be recognized for. It is these kinds of minds we need to follow and pay attention to. Writers, photographers, positive influencers, creators, the list goes on of the people who create upworthy content. 

When you strive to be the best individual you can create for yourself, the money and fame will always follow you. If fame is your primary focus, you might get there, but your 15 minutes of fame will be just that, 15 minutes long. Those who focus on their path, focus only on their talents and allow everything else to be secondary are those who are true game changers. It might take a lot more effort and time to 'make it,' but when they do, their fame becomes concrete in how the world operates and they change history. 

Photograph by Camila Cardozo 

The Power of Women's Publications

6/28/2015

 
darling magazine
It’s no secret that magazines have made their way into the lives of women across the globe. Dating all the way back to the late 1600s, the first women’s magazine in British history, The Ladies’ Mercury, made its debut focusing on love and relationships in the form of question and answer. Though it lasted for a brief time, it didn’t take long for the notion to take on a life of its own. In 1828, the United States soon adopted the idea and created The Lady’s Magazine, filled with literary and fashion content. It was during this time that the middle class began to rise and women’s roles started to evolve. Women began spending more money making them a lucrative market for publishers. Women were captivated by the weekly distributions focused on everything that made up her life: her desires, her roles, her home, her hair, her clothes, her love life, anything and everything you could imagine.

And the same is still true today.

We see a mix on magazine shelves. The ranges vary between extremes and there is a publication for every subject and for every niche market. The industry continues to build on similar topics of the everyday woman. Thankfully, there are magazines that are healthy and thoroughly enjoyable as they walk us through different stages and seasons of our lives as women. Though the motives of many companies are positive and dedicated to enhancing our world, there are many (too many to count) that have a specific agenda. They know what sells. They know what pulls on our nature. They know what we just can’t resist.

As we scan pile after pile at the grocery store or even at our desperately needed hair appointment, reality sinks in. What sells in our world today is extremely heartbreaking. The topics that seem desirable to our flesh, the answers that feed our self-gratification. The endless amounts of information and visual depictions of what the world says we need is overwhelming. And sadly, the majority of what we see doesn’t honor the woman, but demeans her. 

Their alluring covers and enticing opinions of the feminine existence sweep through almost every store imaginable. The hearts and minds of women are being polluted with superficial discussions instead of the depth and life our hearts long for. The power and psychological influence it holds upon us is subtle, but very present. Most women would probably not admit to it’s control and many probably don’t even realize it. But before we know it, the impurity, gossip and fantasies begin to alter our perspectives, attitudes and actions; the very way we choose to live our lives.

As women, everything connects to everything. And because of this, as we connect our eyes to their pages, their pages are connecting to our hearts and to the depths of our souls. William Shakespeare says it well, “The Eyes are the window to your soul.” How true this is. The more that our generation of women engages in unhealthy material we will continue to lose strength and the health of our character and originality as women. 

Over the past few years, I have seen women begin rising up in their sphere of influence: their home, their family life, their workplace, in their coming and their going. Women rising up instead of lowering to the standards of the world. Courageous and brave women that say “Enough is enough.” Women full of vision and resolve. Women influencing the world by not conforming to it. Women around the world are bringing back the enjoyment of reading a magazine and I am thankful to be one of them. Their message is one of grace, not perfectionism. A healthy alternative to unwind or gain valuable wisdom to enhance our lives. Their spreads are filled with authenticity and depth, decency and class, wisdom and truth. Material that strengthens the heart of a women, deems her valuable and treasures the true essence of womanhood. This is the break in the clouds. A light shining so bright that it can’t help but penetrate everyone in it’s path. It’s touching a place that the worldly chain of magazines cannot reach and it’s a beautiful sight to behold.

As women, it’s so easy to get swayed by the waves of the “superficial” culture of this world. It’s everywhere and increasing. And the truth is, our values are being compromised and it’s a fight to stay anchored in what’s real, true and pure. I’ve learned that I can’t be passive as I live my life by allowing anything and everything to find a home in my mind and heart. I have to make a decision of what values I am going to stand on and keep standing on. To fill my life with wisdom that matters and enhance the beautiful creation God made me to be. I pray that the same is true for you. This is the very reason why I created Thryve Magazine. These convictions for my own life and frustrations as I looked around led me to do something about it. I couldn’t stand by as women settle for lies and fill their lives with information that does nothing but break down our truest design as women. The truth is, whether we realize it or not, these things actually do affect us. It is not the time to stay idle and just let things be as they are. We, created by God to bring forth light and truth, have something beautiful to give to the world. We have the ability, by the grace of God, to change the trajectory of the women that fill the spaces in this world. To help set them on a course towards truth and wholeness. 

It’s very easy to allow the “world” to be your map in life. It’s easy for us to be encompassed by it’s ways.

Thought it’s grip may be strong, we have a mighty strength within us that is given to us by God that is much more powerful than anything in this world. Let us be women that value our heart’s and our minds. Because out of it flows the direction of our lives (Proverbs 4:23).  Let us commit to soak in what's true and what enhances the beauty that comes from within so that we radiate and graciously influence our world. A world that so desperately needs it.

Photograph from Tumblr

About the Gracious Guest Author
Rachael Homcy is married to the love of her life and is a mom to a precious and joyful little girl. She currently works from home as a freelance graphic designer. 
She recently took a leap of faith and launched a new women’s magazine called Thryve Magazine, which seeks to inspire and empower women to not just exist, but live fully alive. You can read more about it at thryvemag.com and stay connected through our instagram @thryvemagazine.

Waiting On God's Timing

6/22/2015

 
god's timing
I firmly believe that He never actually tells us no. He only ever says to us, 'Yes, not right now, or wait I have something better.' 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds, a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy (Ecclesiastes 3:11 AMP).

We sometimes lose patience in our journey when we are actively trying to figure out our place in this world. We sometimes confuse our decisions with worrying if we are taking the right path towards finding self-fulfillment. What we see as the unknown, is actually a plan God already has written out for us. Our job is to walk in faith, and simply live through His plan. We guide ourselves through this life as He continuously gives us signs or places certain things in our path at the right moment to show us the right way to move forward. 

Some days these are obvious to us, and other days, we hear silence. Or so we think we do. We become impatient and fear He has forgotten about us. We all want good things to happen to our lives, but if we had our way, we'd like them to all happen now. When things aren't so quick to happen, we are tempted to ask Him when. If it's not happening now, then when? Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on asking when. We need to grow in reliance that we do things for Him. We are living here, creating, working, for Him. 

Trust in him and have patience that your life will unfold before you the way He intended it. However, you must be mindful of the difference of being patient and lazy. Work hard to accomplish your goals, put in the effort, but nothing you do should be strenuous or feel as if you are being unfulfilled. God has placed eternity in the hearts of mankind. Everything we experience not only serves a purpose here on earth, but it serves a purpose for eternity. You do your part, by listening and trusting that He is currently working in you and putting inside of you everything you need to fulfill your eternal destiny. He is preparing you to rule and reign with Him. As long as you are moving forward and gaining strength, you are gaining a gracious life.

View what’s going on in your life with an eternal perspective. Know that you have a higher calling; you have a greater purpose. Focus on what God is doing in your life. Trust in him and have patience when He asks you to wait. Don’t allow little irritations to get you off course or distract you from what God has called you to do. Remember, He never really tells us no. He only ever says to us, 'Yes, not right now, or wait I have something better.' 

Photograph by Signe Vilstrup 

A Chance At Second Loves

6/15/2015

 
second loves
There is nothing quite like your first love. And we all know about this; we've all experienced it and have read stories about it. I have now come to the realization of why your first love means so much, and the things you experience differently when you move on. If and when you do. I have also come to the realization of why your second love is the one that really matters, if not more than the first. 

There is nothing quite like your first love. And your second or third or fourth loves will never compare because when you're with someone new, your first is always in your thoughts, no matter how wonderful this new person is. When you receive a text message with a second love's emotions written out on the screen, the feelings are not the same. There are two things that happen; that fiery interest is no longer in you or you are bored because you have heard all of these words before. They don't mean anything to you. These silly little words once made your entire day brighter, but you don't feel the same now, though the context hasn't changed. You heard these lovely words once, and my God you believed them with everything in your being, and as a result, you got hurt. Now hearing them, they almost sound like lies. 

There is nothing quite like your first love. It's never the same after your first because now all of those beautiful feelings are jaded. You're harder to convince, you keep more to yourself, you're afraid of opening up again. But this is when we should give our second loves much, much more credit than our firsts. 

Well, there really is nothing better than a second love. Because they were the ones who had to break through our walls, clean up the mess, and give us hope to believe in love again. They were the ones who showed us what love is supposed to feel like. 

When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having another love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then like you didn't expect it: love happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

Every girl deserves a guy that can make her heart forget that it was ever broken.

Photograph by Jenny Markham 

Seasons in Boxes, Today in our Hands

6/14/2015

 
Jay Alvarrez
I currently sit in a room filled with boxes. Moving comes with its stress, we all know this; it is a season of laughable moments and an excitement of what’s to come, even if it’s unknown. Figuratively I feel as though my boxes are heavier. They hold a past filled with some hurt, disappointment, strength and the most beautiful of moments. More than any other season, I feel the weight of past mistakes and the excitement of planning for the future. Maybe it’s because the next time I will unpack these boxes it will be with my soon-to-be husband. My past feels weightier as it affects someone else, my every decision needs to be more thought through, and my future is the most exciting kind of unsure. 

As women, we are our greatest critics. We look into our past and can see every wrong turn, where we got every scar, and what we should have done differently. Some of us are aware of the actions of others and how they affect our lives now. We look inward and find all of our weakness and try, alone, to figure out how we can be better… do more… and do it all quickly.

It is also quite hard for us to be engaged in our present. Of course it is, we are so busy looking backwards and forwards that what is right in front of us is impossible to get our full attention. While I am packing, I remember who got me every thing I now posses in my home. I see photographs of people I haven’t spoken to in ages. I remember times that are both bitter and sweet. Having to decide what to get rid of and what to keep and bring into this next season. I cannot allow my soon to be husband to live in the shadow of the past men in my life, the divorces I have seen, the abuse, or the mistrust I’ve experienced. We have to allow others a fresh slate, knowing that they will be imperfect but also that they aren’t past boyfriends, fathers, or step fathers. In the same way we have to remind ourselves that we aren’t the same. I am not the insecure girl that is fearful, inadequate, and doesn’t trust anyone; we are growing and becoming free from our past. As women maybe that’s what we need to do mentally, hash it out… think through it all. Forgive what needs forgiveness, forget what needs forgetting, and throw out the “boxes” that we don’t want weighing us down in our next season.

So as we make daily decisions to let our pasts be our pasts, how do we live our day well and not worry about the future? All I do is plan for the future it seems, wedding planning does that to you. Your money, mind power, and creativity are so focused on one day. There is so much that will happen in the 61 days I have till my wedding. There is also so much that will happen starting on day one as a married couple. The most important thing in preparing for our futures is today. I have today and I think I’m promised a tomorrow… but we aren’t always promised a tomorrow. We can work on loving well, knowing what we can really accomplish in 24 hours, and tomorrow will come whether we have lived today fully or not.

So today let’s be the ladies that bust loose of expectations of others or those crazy expectations we have of ourselves. Let’s put down our “do more” mindsets and take up our “live more” hearts. Maybe we need to throw out some boxes to make room for our new season, drink a cup of coffee for here and stop rushing around, or maybe it’s that we just need to remember that today holds everything that you need to prepare for all that’s to come.

Photograph from Jay Alvarrez

About the Gracious Guest Author
Beth Swann is a traveling, deep thinking, picture taking enthusiast. She will have a cup of coffee with anyone, and finds the most joy in simple things.  
A student of life and has earned a bachelor’s degree in Religion. She seeks to give hope, encouragement, and beauty to every person she encounters. Find her words on bethswann.wordpress.com and photos @beth_swann

Salt Water Cure

6/10/2015

 
salt water cure
As the temperature rises, so does our impulse to immerse ourselves in the ocean, and end up entranced in the deep sea seeking a creative revival. As Isak Dinesen put it, “The cure for anything is salt water.” 

Creativity is like an ocean: limitless and monumental. To be creative means to be in love with life. You really can only be creative if you love life enough that you only want to enhance it’s beauty by creating more, by living more, by going out and jumping head first into the water. Generate ideas, explore solutions, and find relationships between two unrelated things. Upon defining the value of those connections made you experience first hand the impact of embracing your creative wavelengths. You may find yourself being drawn up like a jewel from the bottom of the sea, rescued from a creative block. Just keep swimming. Whether it takes 3 months or 3 years, just keep swimming. 

They who go down to the sea and do business in deep waters will find what they were meant to do in life. Friend, you and I were created to do business in deep waters. In other words, we’re not supposed to have little dreams or little plans. We are supposed to have big dreams. We are supposed to go out into the deep things we were meant to do. Catch a wave and engage in business in these deep waters. But understand, when you’re out there, you can’t touch the ground. There’s a fear in swimming out into the deep be-cause it’s very likely you’ll be sacrificing your comfort of security for the ride or pursuing your dream. When you immerse yourself creatively into the deep sea, you’re taking the necessary risks to achieve greatness.

Difficult times will help you to understand how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way. Blue, to many, is known as a ‘sad’ color, but when you go out to sit back in the sand and watch the ocean, all of your troubles wash away. You are your own formula for success, just add salt water. Be like a mermaid, who has no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living, who in the ocean has found themselves and knows what makes them different. You must be odd to be number one. 

The only way to learn what you are capable of is to test yourself beyond what you are comfortable with. It will cause the deep things inside of you to come forth. To learn is to discover, to create is to go deeper. Removing all uncertainty you have of yourself, and the doubt you hear from others. You must believe in your creative abilities to continue persevering until you have made it to new shores—the new bodies of water you were meant to thrive in.

Photograph by Neave Bozorgi
This written work was also featured on Annex Magazine for the 'Wave of Pontus Issue'

Finding Purpose from Within and Above

6/7/2015

 
finding your purpose
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” -Lucille Ball
How true is this quote? Lucille put all the right words together into a perfect phrase. As we approach our early twenties, it can be difficult to find ourselves as separate individuals. You ask yourself what your goals are, what you want to strive towards, and how you can make your dreams a plausible reality. Society convinces us into thinking we need the answers right at this moment. Thus, anxiety bundles in the hearts of young individuals, but the unknown should be seen as endless opportunities that are awaiting to happen and flourish. Living in the present only embraces the love for the journey and the fearlessness of the unknown. Darling, it is okay. Repeat this out loud: It is okay to not know the answers. This is the time to enjoy the journey of finding yourself. We are not allowed to foresee the future because life would simply be dull-no excitement or thrill or purpose. God has a purpose for everyone on this planet and we discover this purpose through living and not just merely existing.  If you have an interest, pursue it wholeheartedly until you find out if it is right or wrong for you. If you are unhappy, change your current situation. The best advice I can ever give someone is to follow your heart and ask for God’s direction because He only wants to see His children succeed in greatness.

You may be wondering why I am sharing this word of advice. I experienced a situation that was extremely terrifying during my first year of college and that was changing majors. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and then things suddenly changed. I decided to ask for God’s direction and asked Him to allow me see this darkness as an opportunity to flourish. Without darkness appearing, the light would never be appreciated. Even after changing majors, I still had no idea if this change was what I wanted. But I tried. I tried experiencing the unknown. As a result, I ended up loving my decision to change majors and pursue my dreams here in Los Angeles. Through numerous days of tears running down my face and hope being lost, I called to God and He answered. I am now finding myself and finding love from within.

Continuously ask questions and allow yourself to be curious. The way to conquer fear is by knowing every single aspect of that fear. God may not give the answers directly when we desire them most, but the answer will be given when it is meant to be voiced. His timing is in perfect harmony. You, along with God, are on this journey together and any form of darkness is only temporary. Finding inner peace is such an essential part of living, but the way to find inner peace is different for every individual. I can say that the first step in the process begins with you. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV. 

We go through these trials for a reason and I’ve learned it is because God wants us to explore. Being young is all about exploration. Correction, life in general is all about exploration. There is always room for growth and learning and opportunity. The day it stops? The day God has taken you into His hands. Remember: Life is meant to be lived in all forms: do not always play it safe, but always play it graciously.
   
Photograph from Tumblr 

About the Gracious Guest Author
Alexis Faber is currently attending FIDM (The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) and majoring in Merchandise Marketing. 
She is extremely ambitious with a warm heart, and has goals of working within publications. She currently resides in Los Angeles, California.

The Fear of Commitment 

6/1/2015

 
alexis and jay
When did we become so afraid of this word? The word that everyone knows, but no one likes to be held accountable for. Commitment has nearly been obliterated from our culture’s vernacular and we shamelessly promote it through our lives with the actions we take. When things get rough in relationships, our first instinct is to leave rather than try to solve the issues or the tension we may have temporarily stumbled upon. If a lightbulb went out in your home, you fix the lightbulb. You don't go out looking to buy a new home. The same logic needs to be applied when trying to mend relationships. 

Generations ago, back when humans still interacted face-to-face, there was a bond that formed through simple spoken word. People talked, argued, resolved arguments, agreed, and carried on. No matter the difficulty or inconvenience, to uphold a promise made to another person was considered an act of love, service and ultimately respect. But today, perhaps because communication has become too easy and impersonal as sending a text, we’ve managed to stray remarkably far from being able to enjoy our relationships in the rich context we were meant to.

All of this has resulted from a by-product of another c-word: control. We are a part of the consumerist culture where we have been bought, taught and swindled by a message that says we can and should be able to control our worlds. If you want anything, it's accessible in an instant. If you've changed your mind about it, you return it back or sell it. If you want to feel involved in the lives of others, without actually having to initiate anything on your part at all, you can check your social networks, instantly. This has taught us that things and relationships are interchangeable. If this one doesn't work out, it's okay because there are plenty more in the sea. We no longer value the people or the things in front of us. We've turned off this part of our emotions of caring endlessly and working to keep one relationship alive, rather we are interchanging the people in our lives with ease. 

The issue with all of this is not only the physical disconnect we have with those around us, but we act as though there has been a cosmic decree that states we are entitled to life working out exactly the way we expect it to with minimal effort on our part, and maximum effort on behalf of everyone else. Then distressed is caused because of the lack of love and effort made in our relationships. Things begin to fall apart, and we aren't able to see why because our faces are buried deep into our phones. 

Commitment is tough. You have to actually stick around. When you love someone, and leave them so simply, you leave them with scars greater than they were signing up for. Getting up and leaving actually hurts more than cheating or simply being wrong for each other. When a relationship just dies down and ends, you not only feel the feelings of a lost love but the feelings of lost hope: in a future love and in yourself. It's an inexplainable ending, as feelings have just been cut short, and you almost wish there was an actual reason for ending the relationship because hating someone is easier to get over than missing someone. 

Do we really want to toss aside our loves as if they were paper-thin, mediocre acquaintances because of the smallest of problems? Or do we want our words to remain true and honest, allowing us to plunge much deeper and weather even the harshest of storms in our lives? Commitment is the anchor that keeps us afloat when we feel the pull to drown; enabling us to go beyond what naturally we would be comfortable with to brave newer and greater heights, to hold us to something bigger than just our own self-interest, and to carve in our hearts a new c-word to replace the fear: courage.

Have the courage to stay with the love that you know you never want to lose. All it takes is a bit of effort. Focus your time on this person and less on social. Stay true to your commitments rather than sending a quick, careless cancellation text. Commit to your word and commit to your relationships. 

Before you go on and tell someone how much you love them, please reconsider every situation where they could possibly fail you and whether or not you’d still be willing to allow the aforementioned trio of syllables to dance off your lips. Before you say “I love you” please understand that those words are warmly embracing, not only your perception of who that person is today but, every part of them you've yet to discover. These three words are used so loosely in relationships now, we have forgotten what they mean. Love isn't an emotion you feel in a moment, it's an all encompassing expression of how you feel of someone always. Besides, our words, every time we repeat them, begin to mean nothing. I love you, I love you, I love you. Nothing. You're careless with your words and careless with your commitments. You don't have to love someone perfectly, but love them graciously. So when pain, inevitably, seeps through the cracks and you begin to look back and question this persons every intention, you’ll be reminded of the person you were first attracted to. You’ll be reminded to love, and see them, as God intended. You'll want to commit and stay. 

May this beautiful struggle tell of the love that redeemed us.

Photograph from Alexis Ren

When Weddings Don’t Go As Planned

5/31/2015

 
allie seidel
Typically, pouring rain and outdoor, uncovered weddings don’t necessarily go hand in hand. When most brides-to-be get engaged, they don’t imagine their wedding day as one filled with soaking wet guests, a dance floor covered in puddles, or their bridesmaids helping them wring out their wedding dress because it’s become so bogged down with water. All of the above happened at our wedding, and though unexpected, the rain on our wedding day taught me a valuable lifelong lesson.  Now both our wedding day and our marriage are better because of it.

We planned for our wedding to be an intimate, 80-person celebration at the very end of summer. I always dreamed of my wedding on the shores of Lake Almanor, a remote lake in Northern California where my grandparents own a lake house and my family has visited every summer. We pictured an outdoor and uncovered ceremony and reception, not booking a tent on purpose. It was an extra couple thousand dollars, and with the average temperature for late summer being in the nineties, we decided it was an unnecessary expense.

Our wedding weekend came, and we had a warm, sun-drenched day before the wedding filled with boating, lawn games, and iced drinks. We all went to sleep full, happy, and tan. We awoke the next morning to partly gray skies, but no one expected it to rain. Then, immediately following the ceremony, just at the start of the reception, it rained. And by rained, I mean, downpour storm. We had no tent, no inside venue, no backup plan. There was no Plan B. 

There I was, a brand new wife next to my handsome new husband, in the middle of unexpected, unplanned for, seemingly unfortunate circumstances. We had just said our vows and had committed ourselves to each other for life, and we found ourselves facing our first literal storm. I knew that this was a defining moment in our lives. We could choose to be upset about it, or we could choose to embrace it and have fun. We chose the latter and I am so glad that we did.
weddings
Since my husband and I both enjoy the dance floor and can follow a routine, we picked Beyonce’s choreographed dance to Move Your Body as our first dance. A far cry from traditional slow songs, and so perfectly fitting for what was happening all around us. The music started, the rain poured, and we danced our hearts out. The crowd was cheering and screaming, everyone was taking photos and videos, and we were dancing our choreographed first dance while splashing in puddles with me in my wedding dress and my husband in his suit. It was SO MUCH FUN. That memory is within the top ten moments of my life so far. A perfect picture of a near catastrophe happening all around us, and my husband and I side by side, deciding to make the most of it and turning a worst-case-scenario into one of the best. 

The rain continued to pour, the DJ was killing it, and everyone immediately joined us on the dance floor. How my husband and I chose to respond to the near dire circumstance set the tone for the night, and everyone seemed eager to follow suit. We had everyone out on the dance floor, from grandparents to babies, all soaked from the rain, dancing like crazy, and having the time of their lives. 

In the age of pinteresty-perfect, over the top weddings, I’m thankful for a wedding that taught me a valuable life-long lesson: that nothing in life goes as planned. We get to choose how we react to every situation, and our actions will influence those around us.

To the newly engaged bride to be I say: Congratulations! You are about to embark on the most exciting, wonderful, fulfilling, lifelong adventure of your life in marriage. Remember that your wedding day is about your lifelong commitment to each other and not the color of the napkins, having peonies in your flower arrangements, or the thousands of other details we brides agonize over before the wedding. Realizing this can change your entire perspective on your wedding day. Things might happen that are unplanned, not ideal, and possibly just plain awful. This is ok, and can even be good, depending on how you react to them. Your guests will look to you for how to act on this day. If you’re having fun, they will too. When our expectations are set to perfection, they become unattainable. Keeping a level head and remembering the entire purpose of the day (you get to marry the love of your life!) will help you stay grounded, and allow you to enjoy the day to the fullest, even if you find yourself caught in a pouring rainstorm.

Photograph of Allie and Daniel Seidel by Kate Price Calligraphy by Allie Seidel

About the Gracious Guest Author
Allie Seidel is married to her childhood crush and man of her dreams, and her and her husband survived their rainy wedding and are about to celebrate one year of marriage. 
Allie runs a lettering and calligraphy shop on Etsy at Allie Way Design, and you can find her often Instagramming @allieseidel or blogging at alliewaydesign.blogspot.com.

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