We choose our friends, and are born into our families, but neighbors are blessings randomly selected. Let's explore the complex relationship we have with those who live in the next room over. 

It’s an all too familiar paradox that we feel alone even when we’re surrounded by others. Living in a city has a lot of opportunities for community relationships, but it could also be isolating when it seems individuals abound, but no true friend can be found. It's difficult because most interaction with humans has shifted online, but there is something unique and irreplaceable about interacting with those physically near you.

The Internet seduces us, leading us to believe that we author our identities. We decide what to share and determine how the world will see us. In truth though, our identities are not the fixed realities we've drawn them up to be. Our identities are open-ended: formed by our real life relationships, histories, and homes. It's about our time and place in the world. Living in a time and place in reference for this article is to the neighbors we have. They may be noisy, nosy, but occasionally lovely people who occupy the space surrounding us, and see glimpses into more of our lives than we think. 

They know things we do not necessarily choose to share with them, when we aren't able to really hide behind a computer screen. Neighbors become some of the most important relationships we have because they keep the tension of being a human alive. We feel burdened because we desire to both hide from—and open our doors to—them. It's a burden because they are seeing almost the authentic you, not the self you have created digitally. They know if you switch your heels to sandals when you drive home, they know what publications you subscribe to, how well you can keep your temper, how late you really stay up, and if you're the type who usually blasts music with the window open (guilty) they know your taste in music. 

These are the things that makes the people who reside beside us our neighbors. We haven't chose them to be in our lives and we aren't really able to control how they see us. We’re blessed with the real, physical, challenge of living with and beside other human beings. There’s no such thing as a digital neighbor. Online, we can make plenty of friends, but we don’t have neighbors. Neighbors are physical. And this is why they’re important. They are physical beings we see on a daily basis that we haven't made plans with or gotten dressed up for. We get comfortable and relax when we're at home and neighbors see this side of us. They soften our edges. They keep us human. They’re given to us instead of chosen by us; they teach us grace.

Photograph by Eugene Regis

What do you think about as you fall asleep?

For far too many, the thoughts running across our mental landscapes right before going to bed are nothing remarkable. We think about what must be done tomorrow, rehash what didn't get done today, or dream of weekend activities we can't wait to enjoy. What we don't do is dwell on the day's brightest blessings. I will tell you one thing: those who count their blessings daily are much happier individuals than those who, say, count sheep.

Gratitude makes you and the individuals around you more at peace with life. Find an authentic reason to give thanks to the one you believe in, and put your full attention there. Gratitude is not a new topic of discussion, however, it is easily forgotten in. Many people are born crying, live their lives complaining, and die disappointed. The importance of cultivating a thankful character—one that notices small gifts and receives them gladly—is as timely and gracious as ever. 

Life isn't happening to you, it's responding to you. The point of saying thank you and being gracious to our Lord is looking at life in a different light. Cultivating gratitude doesn't mean to fake a cheery disposition or to ignore the darker shades of life. What it's really about is taking a moment out of your day, everyday to truly be able to slow down and appreciate all of the things in your life. It should never feel like a chore. This entire process is meant to make you feel good. Give thanks genuinely, and more great things will begin to happen in your life. Notice what restores your heart, your soul, even in the smallest way, and relish in those moments as if each of them is truly a blessing.

This reorientation is generative. As your mind shifts, you become more focused on the life and goodness around you and find that you always have more to give to others. Awareness sometimes doesn't come naturally, but it can be born from habit. Change your habits, it's as simple as practicing to notice the changes around you. We challenge you to try this practice; to give thanks for the genuine things you're blessed with. You will begin to realize how many you over-looked, and how marvelous your life really is. Beyond feeling thankful, your whole life becomes oriented toward gratitude.

Photograph from Jay Alvarrez

What is wanted is a quite life. A life that listens: to others, to ourselves, to our homes, to our Lord, to silence. There is, however, a difference from seeking solitude and being lonely. It's simply a shame that society has made us believe that solitude is synonymous with being alone. The difference lies in what one seeks solitude for. If we are running from something, or the people currently in our lives don't fill the gaps and others emphasize the loneliness, or simply because we want time to ourselves to refuel, to learn and ask the important question that will only make us grow in our craft. 

We often get swallowed up by our surroundings. When a person is faced with the environment beyond, a relationship forms between the individual and the expansive space. We want solitude to notice the smallest things in our lives, to stay immediate to our surroundings. Daily distraction can be so fragmenting, so addictive, and the kind of attentive patience we seek requires clarity of mind. To be able to find this clearheadedness, we must make a commitment to do so. Say no to the constant, frenzied consumption of 'needs' which more often than not are wants and excess cravings. 

I feel most acutely present when I am away from the noise, when my circumstances pare down all unnecessary clutter. In grim times I take a drive, always somewhere with unfenced expanses and wildness in which I can lie, think, and breathe freely. Being able to get away from the city and find myself in a place where everything around me represents simplicity. This is when I am completely content with nothing but words, a pen and paper, the outdoors, my hands, my eyes. I return from these respites feeling placid, viable, and ready to make something good of myself and the craft I have chosen to fill my life with.

These moments of relative aloneness give us the freedom of choice. To choose the way we want to live, in spite of circumstance. We shape ourselves through daily decisions, so make them earnestly and carefully. Do not easily fall into patterns that feel obligatory, they are a habit of convenience. We must punctuate our days with actions that will turn us towards gratefulness, revitalizing our eyes to see the goodness around. 

Now not many of us have the luxury of true time away; some not as often as we'd like, and for some not ever. Daily life clamors on. Our responsibilities are overwhelming. We become folded into busyness, worrying about the stresses of life, what we will make of ourselves. It's difficult to hold a grasp of ourselves in this cycle, because as we accomplish one task another has been given. We will always fall into this cycle of continuous work unless we make it a priority to actively venture off— even if it's only for an hour— to be able to reassess and renew. 

A creative mind loves solitude, but we do not want to remain there forever. Solitary times fortifies us to listen more clearly and to love better when we are in the presence of others. We are meant to commune together, which means to empathize, to relate to, to be close with. We spend time alone to cultivate our own joy and well-being, for the sake of becoming something worthy of sharing with others. We need others in our life to learn and grow from. It's a balance between solitude and being surrounded by friends who are only there to lift our spirits and remind us of the people we are. Good friends push us towards greatness and evoke emotions we may have pushed aside or may not have realized we have forgotten. But we must not always rely on our friends to be our aide-mémoire. We must find the strength to always push and motivate ourselves. This is the importance of solitary time. 

Photograph by Maja Norrman

Sometimes it is hard to know how to start a conversation with God.

For some of us, prayer has been a part of our daily lives since we were young. But for others, you may have just started exploring spirituality. Don't let the idea of God seem overwhelming. Wherever you are, God is with you and the truth of the matter is that in order to have a relationship with Him, we have to start some fresh dialog.

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of             
                                                      justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” — Isaiah 30:18

It is encouraging to remember that God knows us inside and out, and that He actually enjoys hearing all our hopes, fears, thoughts, questions, and requests. People have asked me how I stay close to God. Truth is, just like everyone else, there are days when I feel distant from Him. But that’s the beauty of God. He isn’t going anywhere regardless of how I may feel. Talk to Him.

Sometimes, you can spot the people who don’t know Jesus very well because the world they see is always so ugly. Even if they use all sorts of religious language, don’t be misled—people who get touched by Jesus don’t ignore the hurt and pain in the world, and yet they see so much beauty in it. They see beauty because they see the future breaking into the present. They see both the beauty in the broken people around them and the beauty that is yet to come when they know their identity as the beloved. 

The tragedy in our generation today, is that ladies would rather have a man of God than God himself. Be patient and don't be so eager. You have yet to find yourself in God. Remember this, talk to Him. Build your relationship with Him and He will place someone worthy in your life. 

Also, If someone invites you to her religion, do not look down on her, on the contrary, you should thank her; she shares with you the most valuable thing she has; her faith.

Happy Easter.

Photographs from Tumblr

In today’s day and age there is hardly anything women can’t do for themselves. We can earn our own college degrees and hold our own jobs. Today’s women run multi-million dollar companies and even entire countries. When you look at the modern world that way, it’s not such a stretch to believe that the institution of marriage, or finding a life partner, is an outdated and archaic one. So why are we, as educated, independent-thinking women, still searching for love? If we can truly handle ourselves, why is finding love still the end-all-be-all goal for so many of us?

The simplest route to dispel these questions is to understand, firstly, that your life partnership isn’t about any of that. You think that you don’t need a partner because you have your own successful career? Well, that’s not why you needed one to begin with. “Life Partner” is far from being synonymous with “Bread Winner.” Yes, today’s woman can fulfill her own financial needs—but what about the emotional ones?

A common misconception is that having good friends can serve all your emotional needs, but a lover is different. The Police sang a song in the 80’s that went, “Every little thing she does is magic.” Have you ever had somebody think that way about you? Had somebody love and adore every little part of who you are? Your little quirks and habits might annoy your friends, but your partner will find them adorable. In other words, when you start to act like a know-it-all, even your closest friends might roll their eyes, but your lover will laugh and pull you in for a kiss. For this reason, the proper life partner can be essential to finding your self-esteem and self-worth in life.

Another huge benefit of having a loving life partner is the constant support that comes with a healthy relationship. When you have a partner in your life, you never have to face anything on your own. You always have someone willing to listen, give advice, console you, and cheer you on. Admittedly, a friend can provide these things as well. However, when a friend gives these things to you, they are making a sacrifice. When your good friends rush to your side in a time of need, they are putting their lives on hold for you. That’s a beautiful thing, but when a lover is there for you it’s not an interruption in his/her life, because you are an extension of his/herself. When your lover is your life partner, your two lives are genuinely intertwined. Your wellbeing is no different than your lover’s wellbeing. In other words, in the give-and-take of your relationship, no deficit is created when one partner gives to the other. In the eyes of your lover, giving something to you does not cause any level of loss on his part, because your interests are his. And that is the ultimate level of support—a basic human need.

Being the recipient of such a high level of love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. However, the absolute most important reason to find this life partner is so that you can be the giver of this love, as well. When you provide this love and this support to your partner, it is even more beneficial than receiving it. Sharing your love with someone else is the ultimate provision for self-worth. It gives you and your life meaning on an entirely unique level. Once you experience this, it can change the entire focus of your life. This is why people have children. As the popular playground chant goes, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Once you recognize the power of this ability to give and share love, the natural progression is to want to spread it further. It’s that powerful.

In conclusion, finding a partner for your life can make you realize what you are truly worth. It can heal your soul and give you clarity on life. Wouldn’t you say those are some pretty strong reasons to continue the hunt? While humans are becoming increasingly independent in modern times, there are still certain human needs that we simply can not fulfill on our own. The desire to spread and share love is at the top of that list. So stay open to it: wanting to find love doesn’t make you weak—it means you understand the gravity of it. 

Photograph by Ben Blood 

Some of the greatest forms of art have manifested in result of a heartbreak. Songs, poetry, paintings, even publications have been created to fill this void we have been left with after someone important leaves our lives. In result, something beautiful is created from these emotions that others who aren't able to find the words themselves are able to resonate with. This post, however, doesn't glorify or romanticize heartbreak. Because for me, it was kind of like death, and I was forced to keep living. On being a writer, I write because I can't have love. This post is about losing yourself in the things you pour your heart into, but finding yourself there too. 

From this blog, I have learned that being tender and open is beautiful, a challenge I had to face because I like to be reserved and push my feelings aside. As women, we are constantly put in this stereotype that we are too sensitive, mushy and emotionally unstable. I've learned not to let someone steal our tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish our perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing ourselves to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a past lover, a dream, an article, a photograph, a mountain, or a rain drop; feel it all. 

Pain makes everyone seem more human. Remember the power you hold. You are not an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with pretty words and unwelcomed touches. Do not push your feelings aside, bite your tongue or swallow your words. Spit them out. Let the world know you are a force to be reckoned with. 

Do not let the one who broke your heart make you so cold. Because before I met him, I would dance and sing in the shower. When he was in my life, I would only think about showering with him. After he left me, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I'd shower so quickly there was no time for dancing, fantasies, or tears. It still surprises me how one individual can have such a powerful impact and be able to invade the smallest parts of your life. You won't realize the effect he had on you until you find yourself dancing and singing in the shower again and you wonder why you ever stopped. 

I feel like I've been through hell and back. I have blemishes, bruises, and marks that can't be erased. I try not to think about it all too much. If you over think anything, it just breaks your heart and then you never really recover from it. Indifference may not bring excitement but it does allow you to survive. 

People loved you, abandoned you and left you with scars. Every person you meet and every relationship you have ever been in, has affected you in some way. No matter how minuscule. Every person you have met has hit you, and hit you hard. That abrasion and pressure they hit you with has chipped a piece off you that you no longer needed. Life takes you through this journey, and people hurt you, but this sand paper is smoothing you down. Your sculpture is being created. At the end of this journey, those people have helped you become the person you are today, the person you were meant to become. Your sculpture is being created every time a piece falls off. 

That's ultimately why I have begun to take writing a bit more seriously.  Language is so amazing if you think about it. Letters and sounds strung together can so eloquently capture your melancholy and loneliness. And when you decide to share your thoughts with the world, you're stunned by how universal your feelings actually are and it makes you feel a little less smaller and less isolated.

So I will continue to write about a love that only exists in my memories. I will heal myself with my own words. I will write. Write until it stops hurting. From this point forward, I am going to shed my old skin and emerge in a body your fingers have not yet touched. I won't be yours anymore. I will only belong to myself. You have already taken everything from me, but you cannot take away my words. 

Love and heartbreak are simply the catalysts for your journey. Let them take you where they may. Go, create. 

Photograph by Kinsey Mhire

After the world gives us plenty of reasons to close our hearts and completely shut out from the world, it's difficult to find reasons and feelings of trust to open our hearts again. This broken heart reaches not only levels of a lost relationship, but from a lost friendship, family member, co-worker, boss, classmate--all human interactions and relationships. Being heartbroken is not only from a loving partnership, but from all means of meaningful interactions with others. Whether you have just been dumped, got into a deal breaking argument with your roommate, lost a family member, are being mocked by a colleague or have been scorned by your boss, it is difficult to stay emotionally centered during all of the hurt. 

It is a difficult time in life when somebody does or says something that temps us to close our hearts because their hearts were closed. Yes, I will admit it is hard--but it is also how we grow. We go through these circumstances in order to evolve into people who can subsist with the circumstances and prosper through with an open and happy heart. It's easy to shut down and keep to yourself. After being hurt so many times, you begin to lose hope in all that is good in people. Magnanimous and gracious individuals are hard to come by, and the world seems to continue to challenge our principles by introducing us to arduous people who may or may not be trusted. You will never know if one could be relied on until after you have been hurt. Is there a solution? Why continue to keep your heart open when you know that more often than not, it will be disappointed? 

After a certain amount of time unfortunate events occur to you, you shut others out completely and don't let anyone in. You truly believe that no one else has your best interest in mind and the happiest you will be is with yourself. I have learned to love my own company. After all, if you don't enjoy you're own company, how do you expect anyone else to. And through enjoying my own company, I have come to prefer it. This is great because I am preventing any hurt from entering my life. I am sheltered and protected. No one knows my secrets, no one can use any information against me, no one can hurt me. I'm protecting myself from those whose intentions are not to do good, but then I am also protecting myself from those who could truly love and care for me and want to be part of my life. Blocking others out and preventing them to enter your life can be a negative result from building very high walls. If you don't keep your heart open, you will never have the opportunity to know whether a person you meet is meant to help you or teach you a life lesson. 

The choice is ultimately up to you: either you stay closed off and not leave any room for hurt, disappointment, and unnecessary suffering, yet ruin the possibility of strong relationships, or choose to be an open book and give everyone the starting chance...the benefit of the doubt and test the waters until they have proven themselves or have given you a reason to leave. 

Photograph by Kinsey Mhire

Everyone wants to be discovered and to be known for their talent. To be the best. We struggle with the mass amount of competition, just hoping to be recognized. In any field that you choose to go to, there is a large community of like minded individuals who are striving for the same goals. Don't stress about being the best. Want to stand out? Often times, being different and not necessarily better can be your best technique. 

Facebook didn't have to be better than Myspace, they were different and ultimately won.

Spotify didn't have to be better than Pandora, they were different and are now conquering. 

Bing tried being better than Google... Does anyone here Bing anything? No. You Google it. 

Monitor your competition and find the gaps. You don't have to battle for quality; tailor your brand/product or your belief system to the people who aren't finding it in your competition. Being perceptive is one of the biggest keys to being an entrepreneur or successful in any personal pursuit you have. Be perceptive of other people's wants, of your competitions pitfalls, of the people who don't like your competition's pain-points and capitalize all of them. 

Just as Samsung is capitalizing off of what Apple doesn't do and Apple capitalized off of what Microsoft didn't do. 

Another great example is Darling Magazine. There was no publication out there that acted as an honest guidebook to women. Other publications promoted changing something about yourself and focused on outer beauty. Darling set out to be different. They have succeeded beautifully. 

With Kinfolk Magazine, they set out to be different that had an essence no other publication possessed. There are plenty of publications that write about dinner 'how-to's;' How to set dinner tables and decorate for a romantic setting etc. Those magazines wrote about how to cook the appropriate meals and how to present it as Martha Stewarty as possible. Kinfolk filled a space that wasn't being filled. They created a publication that was really less about the food that was being cooked and more about the people you filled the room with. They have succeeded magnificently. 

It's difficult to try to stand out in this day in age by just battling on quality. You have to stand out to be noticed, you have to think about what you have that others don't. There is always room to be different. To be yourself. Take a category that has been tried and tested and apply what people want. Where there is demand, you form supply. Put it out there and you will succeed. It’s basic economics.

Photograph by Laura Dart

If you’re asking where ideas come from, then you never had an idea in your life. I always get asked how I come up with posts for this blog, where I get inspiration from and if I ever run out of ideas. People are curious of where ideas come from. Now, what I don't understand is why people are trying to dissect pure creativity. My answer is always 'if you stop asking where ideas come from or how they are born and start paying attention to the world around you, then you can form your own ideas.' 

Ideas come from everywhere, at anytime, with anyone. The best ideas come from making connections, seeing patterns, and — most of all — living and learning. Just look at life as a big web of ideas, twisting and intersecting to facilitate creation, innovation and progress. The more you live, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you know. The more information--both in quantity and diversity--you consume, the more material you'll have for your next project or blog post. There is an abundance of potentials outside and inside of you. These potentials will fire up one day — much like neurons in the brain — to create things you’ll love and things you’ll hate; things the world will embrace.

The best way to spark more creativity is to ask more questions. Don't always be sure of everything. Be curious, travel often, go out on walks, talk to more people, listen to their stories and ask yourself a lot of questions. Challenging thought processes evoke inspiration. 

Photography by Herriott Grace

Having someone in your life you can really feel connected with, be attached to, dedicated to, and loyal to is what we dream of. You should look for someone who is completely in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that makes you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and body and let them inside.

I want my name to be safe inside your mouth. 

Find the one who knows which songs not to talk over, when to show you off, and when to give you space. Someone who has intelligence written on the dotted line; who randomly tells you his theories on new inspirations or anything that has ever crossed his mind. Someone who is able to inspire you to always keep an open mind. A conversationalist who can express when he's frustrated, happy or completely in love. Have a love together that doesn't make sense to anybody else. With someone who has this authentic magnetism. 

I think everyone is just looking for a reason to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. Some do it for nothing but a kiss from the one they love, or maybe a cup of coffee. Others may have a more difficult time; they have no train to catch, no hand to hold, they have no reasons at all. 

When it comes to love, I have learned that it is the platonic devotion that proves the most intimate measures and carries the most weight in your life. It's the love stories of friendship that stick around. Yes, romantic love is an all-encompassing illness of the heart, but without a best friend to guide you, life doesn't seem as easily bearable. 

Currently, this feeling of unwavering love is put in the category of 'someday.' If you are also waiting for your 'someday,' this is to gently and kindly remind you that soon you will find a person who is going to look at you as if you were magic. Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance. You will find someone who will unconditionally cherish you and be so afraid to lose you. You will meet your partner in crime to take on the world together, only to lift each other towards achieving greatness.  

I can't wait for the day I soon meet this person. Getting married seems exciting, it's like having a sleepover every night with your best friend. You don't need someone to complete you, you need someone who will compliment you and make things a little better every now and again. 

Someday, I hope to be writing about someone who also loves me back.

Photograph from Tumblr