Some of us were blessed with parents we were able to form positive bonds with. That's lucky, because some of us have relationships with our parents that may be personally disappointing: we have a father who consistently puts us down and doesn't believe in our ambitions, or a mother who doesn't positively communicate, the list may go on. 

Growing up under these conditions causes both physical and emotional harm as we grow into adulthood, and it always takes a long time to heal. As young children, we are conditioned to want to be very close to our parents and find their winning approval. It's an instinct we're born with in order to have a successful physical, social and emotional development. If we grow in relationships lacking that bond, it's not likely there will be a positive connection in the household as the child grows into an individual and it affects how they live the rest of their life.

When we're placed in a situation where we have little control over the relationship we formed with our parents, there are a few ways we can positively move forward and past the tribulation:

Remove the Blame
It's not your fault. You didn't chose the life or family you were born into. There cannot be blame towards what your parents did or didn't do while you were learning everything about the world for the first time. Self-pity or anger and resentment are not emotions you want to respond with.

The truth is, no one is entitled to having good parents. Yes, it's something a lot of fortunate people have, but that doesn't mean everyone has them and should. Having good parents is a privilege, not a right. 

If you live with your parents and the dynamics at home prevent you from being happy, you must distance yourself. Your focus should be elsewhere; on positive and proactive ideas. Focus on earning financial stability to pay for a place of your own soon. In the meantime, be polite and helpful around the house. Keep your distance, but do your part and move on quickly. 

Emotional Fulfillment is Not Reliable
We know we can no longer rely on them for our emotional needs. Many of us make the mistake in thinking that there must be a reason our relationship with our parents is a negative one and that the reason is us. We try to figure out the right steps to take, make changes in ourselves and think our parents will automatically love us, and that this time it will be different. But time after time, we realize that things don't really change, or in fact, have gotten worse. 

Knowing this, you save yourself a lot of hurt and wasted time trying to go to a parent who is incapable of providing the kind of love you need. 

Understand the Generation Gap
There's a reason our parents ask us if we've eaten all the time because they grew up in a time where food was scarce. They grew up with a generation that focused on prosperity because the was the direction of our country when they were growing up. 

They think we're spoiled because our generation is focused on exploring deeper topics such as self-actualization, life-fulfillment and enjoyment because this is the direction of our developed country as we're growing up. 

They are two completely different world and different ways of understanding. It's natural that there potentially may be a disconnect. 

Evaluate Yourself of Any Picked-Up Bad Habits
There may be a few habits you may have picked up from your parents that seems normal to you as these home dynamics establish our founding baseline. 

Arguments, running away when there's been a conflict, being passive aggressive, or even actively aggressive--both physically and emotionally, all begin to feel normal. This behavior has the potential to be replicated and applied to current and future relationships.  To not repeat the same mistakes and ruin the relationships you do have control over, check in with yourself and make sure you won't be continuing the cycle. 

Cultivate Your Own Community of 'Family'
Your 'family' is only as small as you make it. It's just one part of our lives, it's not the only bond we are capable of forming with people. I think one of the most damaging ideas we give each other is that blood family are the people we have the strongest connections and deepest type of bond there is to be had with. There will always be someone who is not related to you by blood who loves you back. 

The people who were raised with disappointing parent-relationships have one thing to really look forward to: creating a new beautiful family of their own. We can focus on working hard, earning a living, and ultimately finding the right stranger out there who was one of the lucky ones to grow up in a healthy and secure home. 

Choose to change your life and involve yourself with people who truly have your best interest in mind. Family is something you're uncontrollably born into, but family can also be something you actively grow and foster with the kind of love you wanted to live with all along.

As we learn more through the years we grow up, we understand the control we have over our lives and how we can choose to react and perceive things. We also learn we have to power to choose who are the active participants in our lives and we surround ourselves with the right people we need to grow and succeed in our relationships with people. 

Two little letters and our heart can sink in an instant. One world and we're now faced with rejection, disappointment, frustration, and confusion. 

'No' is a very discouraging word, but there are a few ways to handle it graciously:

Respond Graciously
Well, this is our opportunity to make a classy exit. Offer a kind 'thank you,' and be appreciative this individual took the time to consider your proposal and respond with an answer. Receiving no response is the worst kind of rejection; it's better to know that door has been closed rather than being left to wait and wonder, realizing you've been more than rejected; you've been ignored. 

It's okay to ask questions about why they came to this decision; this feedback may offer constructive criticism to improve for the future. However, lashing out, being sarcastic, or even outlining all the reasons why they made a mistake and will be sorry is not leaving a good impression on your character. 

Be gracious and you'll be remembered for just that. 

Take a Moment 
After you've chosen to remain kind and to hold yourself together, give yourself a moment to cry it out. It's okay to use this time to internalize the decision and make the choice to move past it and on to the next one. You may break down to yourself, so long as you pick the pieces right back up and walk away stronger.

Remember You're Not Alone
Everyone experiences rejection. Even people who are very successful; it happens to the best of us. Out of every one hundred emails you send, you might receive only a handful of 'yes'.' That small percentage of "yes'" will be the only ones you really need.

It's Not Always Personal 
It's important to take chances and accept challenges often. Rejection hurts, but it's not always personal. There's a lot of competition in the world and a lot of the people are out fighting for the same dream. Naturally, there might be others who fit the part better or who showcase the right talent for what was sought out for. We must also remember, the deciders who tell us 'yes' or 'no' are people. They might like Applicant A today, but Applicant B tomorrow. It's not always the case that 'you must be better.' Sometimes the case is it wasn't meant to be with that particular instance, and you actually don't need to stress about changing something and making yourself 'better.'

The lesson here is to apply, and to apply for things regularly: 

- You'll get rejected much more often, which as a result after time, no longer feels as painful.
- You will better your chances on receiving many more 'yes'."
- You'll always stay on your toes, be focused, and in a constant motion for improvement. 
- Or, you'll learn that it wasn't for you, and there's something or someone that's a much better fit for you on the horizon.

It Can Refuel Your Fire
Rejection is like a big wake up call. When everything is always going great, we may often get comfortable. Rejection keeps you on your toes and also lights the fire to push even harder for the next one. Use this to motivate yourself and as a friendly reminder for what else might be out there. When we try at something with all our efforts, we get attached and block out all other options. We get stuck and put our hopes in only one possibility. Rejection allows us to clear our heads and look for more possibilities we didn't believe were possible. 

Whether it's being turned down for a job, missing the opportunity on a creative project, receiving a rejection letter from a dream college or hearing back from a crush who doesn't feel the same way about you, rejection is part of life. We learn from it  in two ways: getting better for the next time, or realizing it wasn't right for you after all. There's a chance, unless you really made a mistake in a job interview or was blatantly rude during a date, the rejection may not have been your fault. The match (whether professional, creative, academic or romantic) simply wasn't meant to be for you. Don't dwell on it, and certainly don't regret it. 

Photograph from Tumblr 

At times, we may endure feelings of anger and frustration in our personal lives, but to take it out on others is unfair to both parties. Understanding that everyone may get upset at times, how do you respond when you are being scolded for not really doing anything? The other person clearly isn't truly upset at you, as you haven't done anything wrong, but they make you feel like you're the reason for all their troubles and you don't exactly know how to react. Remember one thing: do not throw fire on fire, for fighting back is not an act of a gracious individual and it simply won't solve anything. 'The only thing that can bring light to darkness, is light itself.'

Think about where this person is in their life when they are consumed by this anger. These negative emotions cloud their judgment, altering their way of thinking, acting and treating you. In this moment of anger, many struggle to see anything outside of this feeling, even though there may be so much positive light around us. So when a person is in a paroxysm of darkness and are taking their anger on you, take responsibility (as difficult as it may be) to bring them back to the light they so obviously and desperately need.

We may be tempted to respond to this said anger by becoming defensive, letting their anger cloud space in your mind that you become just as angry. Do not let their words or negativity bring you down, especially when you know you are not the reason for their poor attitude. Don't sweat the small stuff, after all it is small stuff. As innocent bystanders, we must learn how to respond when someone sends us an accusatory text message or a rude remark. Put your emotions and pride away and help them realize what they are doing. Do not help them continue to spiral down and bring you with them. The moment you are able to put your frustration aside and remember not to blame yourself for someone else's own struggles, you will better be able to respond in a positive way.

When people scream and yell I tend to respect them less. When I am upset, I try to keep the intensity of my tone and voice even and normal. I think it's more impressive to remain calm when you are upset rather than losing control and using your outside voice, or making snide remarks that are degrading to the other person. Don't take your emotions out on others, plain and simple. 

The people who take their anger out on you are the ones who you need to go a little further to help them see the lust of life. These are the people who you should smile to, for they need it the most. If you remain calm, be in a state where you have control and have a smile on your face, you will be able to handle the situation much better and possibly even make the other person realize how silly they are being. If you stay happy, not letting them get to you, your positivity will radiate. Start sending your love to others, for it's the only way to receive love back. Let your light shine on them and brighten up their darkness they are so helplessly drowning in. 

Photographs from Once Wed 

You can either be gifted and recognized by many for your talents, or hide away in the shadows and not be known by anyone. Both live sad lives. One constantly receives the criticism and hatred of others, being more at risk of losing relationships, being exposed to hurtful individuals, and making more mistakes. While the other is left in solitude--in peace. But connections are never made, relationships are never risked, hurtful individuals never shape you and you never get the chance to make mistakes. Either way, you never seem to win in life. You either give too much or are missing out completely. 

Both ideals have recently crossed my mind. In the last two years of my college career, I have gained a lot of beautiful relationships, but I have also lost more than I would have liked. It took a few moments to understand why. Was it something said or done? Friendships have been tarnished, bridges have been burned and relationships have combusted. In this moment of writing this out, it makes me want to disappear and not put myself out there anymore to make any connections. Why risk the pain? People let you down anyway. It doesn't matter how 'wonderful' 'kind' or 'beautiful' you are. People will still find a way to hurt you, a reason to dump you, or have an excuse to bail on you. You're too intimidating but not really good enough at the same time. 

Before continuing on about exposing your talents, here are my thoughts about burnt bridges and why the two connect:

As you continue to hone in on your talents and meet more individuals, you will come across some people who won't like you. That is something out of your control. It is not your responsibility for how people respond to what you say or do. Relationships are destroyed as you go on in life. Parents and mentors will say not to burn your bridges, but when you are doing everything in your power to make meaningful relationships and be kind to everyone, it seems that the other person has already started the fire. Whether they are expecting you to put it out or throw more fire to the existing flames, how will you know? Humans have a terrible habit of assuming other people can read their minds. From what I know and how I simply process information is if you started a fire, it means you want to burn everything we had built down. 

Don't test your relationships because if they actually meant anything, you wouldn't put them at risk. People usually follow your actions and disappoint when they listened and responded to what you threw at them. If you started a fire expecting to be saved from the flames, sadly, you're going to get burned.

It's all comes back to choosing between losing relationships from jealousy of your work or being liked because you don't pose a threat. Humans are an interesting bunch. Society tells us to be inspiring, hard working and to dream big. Then when one does just that and does so successfully, people become frightened, jealous, self-conscious and personally defeating towards this threat. Don't see life as a big competition. It's good to be the best, but you'd want to be surrounded by like-minded people, and in order to do so, there needs to be more inspiring people in the world. No matter how threatening it is to your own pursuits. 

Photograph by Joshua Allen Harris 

Having a family that loves you unconditionally is one of the luckiest joys in life. But I've learned that loving your family comes in many different layers. For our generation, the connections we have with our parents are no longer strong and it isn't because we're growing up to be 'too cool' for them. I think it may be because we no longer have a common mentality. As we grow older, learn more about ourselves and what we want out of life, our interests change. And relationships have to be built on some sort of commonality. Once this common ground is lost, it's very difficult to get it back. Even within your family.

We were raised under different standards, have higher expectations and are more judgmental in terms of what we accept from life. Our terms of success are now based on what makes us feel fulfilled, rather than choosing a job we dislike but have to take in order to feed the family we started. We choose an artistic career, or in their eyes, an 'unconventional' career that has very slim chances of measurable and steady success. We are getting married much later and traveling more. We are selfishly making an active effort to make the right choices in our own lives that are going to benefit us. It's difficult to be a part of a family that doesn't really understand this way of living. They can make you feel like you are living life incorrectly. It's degrading, uninspiring, emotionally difficult and honestly irritating. Not being able to talk to your family about your dreams and goals because they simply don't understand is really disobliging. 

Once you realize this and find the courage within yourself to stick to your dreams and get through it on your own, it will drive a wedge between you and your loved ones. You will refrain from talking about your dreams with them, even when you are slowly accomplishing the stepping stones to get there--the more you accomplish, the less you'll share. You might keep them updated here and there, but finding the opportunity to sit down and share the one thing that makes your eyes gleam will not be so quick to come. This entire conversation is not enjoyable because of the mental disconnect. It might become tempting to think you're better than your family because you know you're going to make it differently than how they have ultimately chosen to live, but you shouldn't. That was their choice and this is yours.  

In addition to misunderstanding parents, there are the relatives who are naysayers. Naysayers are the family members who not only don't understand your dream, they also purposefully put you down. Most often, naysayers have not fulfilled their own dreams. They haven't lived an inspired existence because they are too busy living in fear, and that is their own personal problem until they put this negativity onto you. Since their dreams didn't work out for them, they go around the dinner table just parroting words that have kept them down their whole lives. Maybe they believe that life is about living inside a sad land call Normalville, where regular people populate the average town of Mediocrity, sitting there drinking their morning cup of boring everyday. When they say they are just looking out for you and want you to set a realistic goal is maddening. Wait I'm sorry...is pursuing a dream you firmly believe in and one that others have also succeeded in unrealistic? Whatever the reason, your wild goals and ambitions may be threatening for this person. This criticism is easy to handle; simply block it out. Have confidence in your plans and refuse to hear their ungracious comments. Find that internal switch labeled 'Giving a Damn' and simply flick it from do to don't. Even if it's a family member. 

Photography by Joshua Allen Harris 

She won, again. She landed the job, the one with a corner office. She was awarded an honor for her exemplary work in the community. She has the love an amazing man. Not you, not I; just her.

At one time or another, each of us have experienced a moment when a friend of ours appears to have everything. Rather, has everything we want. Then a moment follows when she then reaches an achievement, lands the job or wins true love. That right there can transition us into a dark and ugly place; the place of jealousy.

Although we each experience our share of struggles and obstacles, we do not expect a stunt in our driven attitudes to hit the jealousy snag. Jealousy can make us bitter, negative and deter us from what we most desire in life. Jealousy of a friend can make us all of this as well as make us detrimental to our friendship. A humble perspective however, paired with grace can pull us past the insecurities of the success of a friend.

Be Honest With Yourself
The first step to staying gracious when you’re jealous is to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself some of the following questions: Do I actually want what she has? Am I jealous of what she achieved or how she received it? Do I respect her? Do I care more about our friendship or about how her success makes me feel? Am I jealous or insecure?

Take Some Quiet Time
Once you have honestly come to terms with the source of your jealousy, take some time to get quiet. Whether you get quiet through prayer or a sweat session, take the time to reflect on the jealous attitude and insecurities and walk away from them. Yes, walk away.

Support Your Friend
How can we support our friends when we have jealous lingering? We give them honest, positive encouragement. We share with them our joy for their hard work and success. We support their efforts and their goals. We support them in the midst of our egos because that is what a friend is called to do.

Practice Humility and Grace
Find joy in your accomplishments and in the accomplishments of others. Challenge yourself to stay positive when your circumstances are negative. Take every moment as an opportunity to be confident, humble and graceful.

What happens if your friend thinks she is better because of her success?
When we have an aspiration, we work hard to achieve it. It then can become a tad heart-breaking if a friend achieves the same thing we want or achieves their success before us. It then becomes infinitely more difficult if our friend is less than gracious and believes they are better than us. We do not fight them, rather, we go through a process similar to the one laid out from above. If a friend persists to act in this less-than-gracious manner, go to her. Approach her with humility and grace. Let her know how proud you are of her success. Let her know you value your friendship; which is why you feel put down and hurt since her success. Talk it out with her.

With confidence, humility and grace, we can remain driven and passionate when we are jealous. We can be joyful in our own accomplishments and in the accomplishments of others.

Photograph from We Heart It 

When we receive constructive criticism, even if the person criticizing you has the best intentions, it can make you feel defensive and insecure. Receiving criticism, whether it is constructive or destructive or whether it was asked for or uninvited, it can be difficult to swallow. Many of us long for the approval of others. We work hard to accomplish our goals, but when our flaws are pointed out it makes us feel like we can't do anything right. Perhaps we are our own worst critic that hearing other critical voices are just too many to bear. Criticism may come with many emotional misgivings, but know that constructive criticism should be meant to be a welcomed tool that propels you forward and develops you as an individual.  Here are six ways to take criticism graciously.

Listen
First, just listen. Do not interrupt and do not ask questions yet. Give yourself a moment to digest the information and truly take it all in. The first response many of us have when we receive criticism is to become defensive. Listen to the criticism all the way through and it may teach you something. Even the most painful, hurtful comments have the ability to teach us something about ourselves. Just stay silent, shut down your defenses and take in what they have to say. 

Ask Questions
In order to grow, you need to fully understand the person criticizing you. Ask clarifying questions and maybe even ask for advice on how to improve. The person who is criticizing you clearly sees your flaws and may even see a way for you to ameliorate. 

Respond
You don't have to agree with the criticism that is being told, but you must respond. If you agree with the criticism, a simple 'thank you' will do. If you do not agree, and you are positive it's just not your ego speaking, you can relay that to the criticizer without a harsh, angry tone. Simply respond by saying something along the lines of, "I didn't realize I came across that way, those where not my intentions. Thank you for sharing your opinion." Be courteous and gracious. 

Translate Accurately 
For many of us, first responses to criticism is to be defensive, and usual response is feeling insecure. Rather than hearing a helpful message, we think we are negatively being reminded of our flaws. Instead, focus on the truth about yourself and your value, then you will hear others opinions more accurately and grow from their wise input. 

Understand Your Value
Lower the stake by understanding that your value is separate from your performance. Therefore, receiving constructive criticism is not a comment on who you are as a person, but how you can improve your own craft. 

Ask Yourself
Now that you have heard the opinions of others and you understand their criticism, it is your turn to re-evaluate yourself. Is their criticism true and helpful? Do you believe that you can do some improving? It doesn't have to be on exactly what the person who criticized you said but make your own assessment on how you think you should improve.

Constructive criticism is meant to help you, so take it as such. If you feel the person is only being degrading, you don't have to agree, just nod and thank them for the input. Criticism can help you learn more about yourself, and you might be surprised by the potential you didn't know you had and take it to reach new goals. 

Photograph by Nikoline 

Psychological and emotional manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception of ones behavior or understanding by using deceptive tactics. You may have been affected by someone who has the characteristics of an emotional manipulator and you may have been left confused, distressed and possibly even guilty for something you shouldn't feel guilty about. It's difficult to respond to emotional manipulators and their actions may even have an effect on our psychological well-being. It's important to know when you are being manipulated and how to handle the situation. 

Characteristics of emotional manipulators:  

They Leave You with Mixed Emotions
After a conversation, this person leaves you feeling crazy, mixed up, and confused. They will begin to make you question your own sanity. They are an expert in turning things around, justifying and redirecting the conversation back to you. They have the ability to lie so smoothly and twist your words that they rationalize their actions so you seem unreasonable. 

They're Great at Making you Feel Guilty
Nothing you can say or do is ever right to them; you will always be wrong. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up or for being emotional or not emotional enough. No matter what you say, they will turn the situation around and make it seem as if you're the victim.

They're Untrustworthy
They'll smile to your face, but really don't have your best interest in mind. They will gladly talk about you behind your back and pass along mean gossip.  

They Can Manipulate the Whole Group
If they are feeling happy, life is going great for them, they are the life of the party and everyone must smile and play along. They will not deal with any whiners. But when their life is a little tough, then they will moan and complain and will make sure that everyone feels just as miserable. You won't be allowed to share your happiness because that would just be uncalled for.

They are Self-Absorbed
Life plays by their rules and everything revolves around them. They are not accountable for their own actions and they will always set out for ways to please themselves.

They Aren't Always Negative
Emotional manipulators have many different sides to them. Like said above, they are self absorbed. They either might make you feel bad and guilty or they can use their manipulation abilities to a more 'positive advantage' and make you feel good (or make you think they are on your side.) Be cautious that you are not in this situation either. This person will say and do anything to make you believe they like you. However, if you mess up, or better yet, when they have what they want from you, they will throw you out like a used tissue. These kinds of relationships will always be unstable. 

Now that you know what to look out for, here's how to respond graciously:

Trust Your Instincts
If you know you are right in any situation and you know you are being played by an emotional manipulator, do not give into their words or let them make you feel guilty. How you respond to them will depend on the type of person you are; you can either respond and call them out (graciously of course) or you can simply smile, nod your head and let them believe they got to you...but they have no effect on your life. How do you call them out graciously? Simply say, 'You don't have to lie, it would be nicer if you told me the truth, but I understand. Thank you for the input.' 

Don't Worry About What They Say
When they talk about you behind your back, it only means that they respect your presence enough to know better than to treat you poorly to your face.

Don't Play the Game
Most of the time, emotional manipulators are playing this game between themselves. It can be quite entertaining watching them spend so much time and energy on you. People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them. You affected their lives, they didn't affect yours. Emotional manipulators normally have a deeper motive and this is probably the reason why. The result they are expecting from you is to get irritated and fight back. Why give them that satisfaction? When you brush it all off and act like their words have absolute no effect on you (because they shouldn't) you have piece of mind. They will end up feeling silly for challenging someone who simply had no interest in being challenged at something that didn't benefit or help them evolve as an individual. Strong minds don't have time for petty games, or toxic individuals who have nothing better to do but hurt them, there is no room in our powerful, positive minds for that, only room for surrounding ourselves with strong and like-minded individuals. No emotional manipulators. 

Photograph from Tumblr