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She writes and shares stories because there are words at the edge of fingertips and mouths persistent to be declared, discussed and defined. Here is a gathered collection of words from both the deep and not so deep chasm that are thoughts, stories and words every gracious individual must know.

When Weddings Don’t Go As Planned

5/31/2015

 
allie seidel
Typically, pouring rain and outdoor, uncovered weddings don’t necessarily go hand in hand. When most brides-to-be get engaged, they don’t imagine their wedding day as one filled with soaking wet guests, a dance floor covered in puddles, or their bridesmaids helping them wring out their wedding dress because it’s become so bogged down with water. All of the above happened at our wedding, and though unexpected, the rain on our wedding day taught me a valuable lifelong lesson.  Now both our wedding day and our marriage are better because of it.

We planned for our wedding to be an intimate, 80-person celebration at the very end of summer. I always dreamed of my wedding on the shores of Lake Almanor, a remote lake in Northern California where my grandparents own a lake house and my family has visited every summer. We pictured an outdoor and uncovered ceremony and reception, not booking a tent on purpose. It was an extra couple thousand dollars, and with the average temperature for late summer being in the nineties, we decided it was an unnecessary expense.

Our wedding weekend came, and we had a warm, sun-drenched day before the wedding filled with boating, lawn games, and iced drinks. We all went to sleep full, happy, and tan. We awoke the next morning to partly gray skies, but no one expected it to rain. Then, immediately following the ceremony, just at the start of the reception, it rained. And by rained, I mean, downpour storm. We had no tent, no inside venue, no backup plan. There was no Plan B. 

There I was, a brand new wife next to my handsome new husband, in the middle of unexpected, unplanned for, seemingly unfortunate circumstances. We had just said our vows and had committed ourselves to each other for life, and we found ourselves facing our first literal storm. I knew that this was a defining moment in our lives. We could choose to be upset about it, or we could choose to embrace it and have fun. We chose the latter and I am so glad that we did.
weddings
Since my husband and I both enjoy the dance floor and can follow a routine, we picked Beyonce’s choreographed dance to Move Your Body as our first dance. A far cry from traditional slow songs, and so perfectly fitting for what was happening all around us. The music started, the rain poured, and we danced our hearts out. The crowd was cheering and screaming, everyone was taking photos and videos, and we were dancing our choreographed first dance while splashing in puddles with me in my wedding dress and my husband in his suit. It was SO MUCH FUN. That memory is within the top ten moments of my life so far. A perfect picture of a near catastrophe happening all around us, and my husband and I side by side, deciding to make the most of it and turning a worst-case-scenario into one of the best. 

The rain continued to pour, the DJ was killing it, and everyone immediately joined us on the dance floor. How my husband and I chose to respond to the near dire circumstance set the tone for the night, and everyone seemed eager to follow suit. We had everyone out on the dance floor, from grandparents to babies, all soaked from the rain, dancing like crazy, and having the time of their lives. 

In the age of pinteresty-perfect, over the top weddings, I’m thankful for a wedding that taught me a valuable life-long lesson: that nothing in life goes as planned. We get to choose how we react to every situation, and our actions will influence those around us.

To the newly engaged bride to be I say: Congratulations! You are about to embark on the most exciting, wonderful, fulfilling, lifelong adventure of your life in marriage. Remember that your wedding day is about your lifelong commitment to each other and not the color of the napkins, having peonies in your flower arrangements, or the thousands of other details we brides agonize over before the wedding. Realizing this can change your entire perspective on your wedding day. Things might happen that are unplanned, not ideal, and possibly just plain awful. This is ok, and can even be good, depending on how you react to them. Your guests will look to you for how to act on this day. If you’re having fun, they will too. When our expectations are set to perfection, they become unattainable. Keeping a level head and remembering the entire purpose of the day (you get to marry the love of your life!) will help you stay grounded, and allow you to enjoy the day to the fullest, even if you find yourself caught in a pouring rainstorm.

Photograph of Allie and Daniel Seidel by Kate Price Calligraphy by Allie Seidel

About the Gracious Guest Author
Allie Seidel is married to her childhood crush and man of her dreams, and her and her husband survived their rainy wedding and are about to celebrate one year of marriage. 
Allie runs a lettering and calligraphy shop on Etsy at Allie Way Design, and you can find her often Instagramming @allieseidel or blogging at alliewaydesign.blogspot.com.

Neighbors: A Blessed Burden

5/27/2015

 
being a good neighbor
We choose our friends, and are born into our families, but neighbors are blessings randomly selected. Let's explore the complex relationship we have with those who live in the next room over. 

It’s an all too familiar paradox that we feel alone even when we’re surrounded by others. Living in a city has a lot of opportunities for community relationships, but it could also be isolating when it seems individuals abound, but no true friend can be found. It's difficult because most interaction with humans has shifted online, but there is something unique and irreplaceable about interacting with those physically near you.

The Internet seduces us, leading us to believe that we author our identities. We decide what to share and determine how the world will see us. In truth though, our identities are not the fixed realities we've drawn them up to be. Our identities are open-ended: formed by our real life relationships, histories, and homes. It's about our time and place in the world. Living in a time and place in reference for this article is to the neighbors we have. They may be noisy, nosy, but occasionally lovely people who occupy the space surrounding us, and see glimpses into more of our lives than we think. 

They know things we do not necessarily choose to share with them, when we aren't able to really hide behind a computer screen. Neighbors become some of the most important relationships we have because they keep the tension of being a human alive. We feel burdened because we desire to both hide from—and open our doors to—them. It's a burden because they are seeing almost the authentic you, not the self you have created digitally. They know if you switch your heels to sandals when you drive home, they know what publications you subscribe to, how well you can keep your temper, how late you really stay up, and if you're the type who usually blasts music with the window open (guilty) they know your taste in music. 

These are the things that makes the people who reside beside us our neighbors. We haven't chose them to be in our lives and we aren't really able to control how they see us. We’re blessed with the real, physical, challenge of living with and beside other human beings. There’s no such thing as a digital neighbor. Online, we can make plenty of friends, but we don’t have neighbors. Neighbors are physical. And this is why they’re important. They are physical beings we see on a daily basis that we haven't made plans with or gotten dressed up for. We get comfortable and relax when we're at home and neighbors see this side of us. They soften our edges. They keep us human. They’re given to us instead of chosen by us; they teach us grace.

Photograph by Eugene Regis

Changing Perspectives Through Gratitude 

5/25/2015

 
Being Grateful
What do you think about as you fall asleep?

For far too many, the thoughts running across our mental landscapes right before going to bed are nothing remarkable. We think about what must be done tomorrow, rehash what didn't get done today, or dream of weekend activities we can't wait to enjoy. What we don't do is dwell on the day's brightest blessings. I will tell you one thing: those who count their blessings daily are much happier individuals than those who, say, count sheep.

Gratitude makes you and the individuals around you more at peace with life. Find an authentic reason to give thanks to the one you believe in, and put your full attention there. Gratitude is not a new topic of discussion, however, it is easily forgotten in. Many people are born crying, live their lives complaining, and die disappointed. The importance of cultivating a thankful character—one that notices small gifts and receives them gladly—is as timely and gracious as ever. 

Life isn't happening to you, it's responding to you. The point of saying thank you and being gracious to our Lord is looking at life in a different light. Cultivating gratitude doesn't mean to fake a cheery disposition or to ignore the darker shades of life. What it's really about is taking a moment out of your day, everyday to truly be able to slow down and appreciate all of the things in your life. It should never feel like a chore. This entire process is meant to make you feel good. Give thanks genuinely, and more great things will begin to happen in your life. Notice what restores your heart, your soul, even in the smallest way, and relish in those moments as if each of them is truly a blessing.

This reorientation is generative. As your mind shifts, you become more focused on the life and goodness around you and find that you always have more to give to others. Awareness sometimes doesn't come naturally, but it can be born from habit. Change your habits, it's as simple as practicing to notice the changes around you. We challenge you to try this practice; to give thanks for the genuine things you're blessed with. You will begin to realize how many you over-looked, and how marvelous your life really is. Beyond feeling thankful, your whole life becomes oriented toward gratitude.

Photograph from Jay Alvarrez

Wanting Solitude, Not Loneliness

5/20/2015

 
loneliness
What is wanted is a quite life. A life that listens: to others, to ourselves, to our homes, to our Lord, to silence. There is, however, a difference from seeking solitude and being lonely. It's simply a shame that society has made us believe that solitude is synonymous with being alone. The difference lies in what one seeks solitude for. If we are running from something, or the people currently in our lives don't fill the gaps and others emphasize the loneliness, or simply because we want time to ourselves to refuel, to learn and ask the important question that will only make us grow in our craft. 

We often get swallowed up by our surroundings. When a person is faced with the environment beyond, a relationship forms between the individual and the expansive space. We want solitude to notice the smallest things in our lives, to stay immediate to our surroundings. Daily distraction can be so fragmenting, so addictive, and the kind of attentive patience we seek requires clarity of mind. To be able to find this clearheadedness, we must make a commitment to do so. Say no to the constant, frenzied consumption of 'needs' which more often than not are wants and excess cravings. 

I feel most acutely present when I am away from the noise, when my circumstances pare down all unnecessary clutter. In grim times I take a drive, always somewhere with unfenced expanses and wildness in which I can lie, think, and breathe freely. Being able to get away from the city and find myself in a place where everything around me represents simplicity. This is when I am completely content with nothing but words, a pen and paper, the outdoors, my hands, my eyes. I return from these respites feeling placid, viable, and ready to make something good of myself and the craft I have chosen to fill my life with.

These moments of relative aloneness give us the freedom of choice. To choose the way we want to live, in spite of circumstance. We shape ourselves through daily decisions, so make them earnestly and carefully. Do not easily fall into patterns that feel obligatory, they are a habit of convenience. We must punctuate our days with actions that will turn us towards gratefulness, revitalizing our eyes to see the goodness around. 

Now not many of us have the luxury of true time away; some not as often as we'd like, and for some not ever. Daily life clamors on. Our responsibilities are overwhelming. We become folded into busyness, worrying about the stresses of life, what we will make of ourselves. It's difficult to hold a grasp of ourselves in this cycle, because as we accomplish one task another has been given. We will always fall into this cycle of continuous work unless we make it a priority to actively venture off— even if it's only for an hour— to be able to reassess and renew. 

A creative mind loves solitude, but we do not want to remain there forever. Solitary times fortifies us to listen more clearly and to love better when we are in the presence of others. We are meant to commune together, which means to empathize, to relate to, to be close with. We spend time alone to cultivate our own joy and well-being, for the sake of becoming something worthy of sharing with others. We need others in our life to learn and grow from. It's a balance between solitude and being surrounded by friends who are only there to lift our spirits and remind us of the people we are. Good friends push us towards greatness and evoke emotions we may have pushed aside or may not have realized we have forgotten. But we must not always rely on our friends to be our aide-mémoire. We must find the strength to always push and motivate ourselves. This is the importance of solitary time. 

Photograph by Maja Norrman

When Staying in Bed

5/18/2015

 
When Staying in Bed
A girl and her bed on Sunday mornings are an endless love affair. Add a cat and your loved one into the mix and you have yourself an incredible day, and you didn't even have to change out of your pj's. From having breakfast in bed, to hosting a cozy movie for two, there are many ways to turn your bed into a place for gathering, entertaining, and dining. Here are just a small select of things one can do whilst staying in bed. Because a Sunday well spent brings a week of content. 

Breakfast in Bed
The sun streams through the window, awakening us with its warm light. Slowly opening my eyes, quickly closing them shut again, sinking deeper into the duvet, and turning over towards my sleeping partner before rousing myself out of bed. Hair tousled and pajamas disheveled, I tiptoe into the kitchen and begin the Gracious Sunday ritual of grinding coffee beans, toasting bread, and baking eggs in avocado. Arms laden with a tray full of breakfast and a mug full of hot coffee, I climb back into bed, and eagerly take a taste of what has to be the best way to spend a Sunday morning. A Kinfolk magazine in hand, cat by the foot of my bed, maybe a handsome fellow by my side, and the morning hours stretch leisurely ahead. 

An Indoor Picnic
Sure normal outdoor picnics are delightful; sitting out in the grass, soaking up the sun, and feeling the cool breeze against your skin. But sometimes there are unexpected rain showers, or maybe you simply don't want to go outside and would much rather have a private indoor picnic. Placing a picnic blanket over the duvet, napkins, and a handful of wildflowers turn our bed into the most comfortable setting no grass could provide. We lean back on plush pillows while nibbling on the accoutrements that is wrapped lovingly in our basket: summer corn, zucchini, green chiles, and lime salad, and an incredibly delicious beet, arugula and goat cheese grilled panini. We pour some wine, add fresh bread and cheese to snack on and it's just about the best picnic and moment to share with someone special. 

Movie for Two
While a movie choice is debated, an appropriate menu is prepared—savory lightly salted, buttered popcorn, broccoli cheddar quinoa bites, salted-caramel sundaes, and salted-caramel apple hand pies—decadent options but fitting for such an affair. We each sip a Negroni while preparing all the finishing touches for our gracious night in. A touch tipsy, we dim the lights, slide under the covers and cue the film. Movie night has commenced.

I hope you enjoy your Sunday, or any day of the week for that matter. If it's spent in bed doing nothing but peaceful and delightful things with someone you care about, it's bound to be time very well spent. 

Photograph from Tumblr

The Workaholic's Weekend Detox

5/13/2015

 
Weekend detox
Weekend detox
When you work a full week, and then spend the entire weekend obsessing over your inbox or uncompleted drafts, you tend to reach a point of almost losing it. I don't only mean your sanity because of exhaustion, but also who you are in your craft. It's easy to get lost in the rustle and bustle of all the work that needs to be done. And after some time, if you don't allow yourself to step back from all the work and reassess, you may forget why you started doing the work you're doing now in the first place. 

While your friends will be dining on poached eggs drenched in hollandaise at the café around the corner for brunch tomorrow morning, you might find yourself staring into the black whole that is your laptop screen, with espresso in hand, forgetting all about the sunshine outside. 

You, like many other stay-at-home creatives, have a slight complication. You’re what we call a WWW: a Wired Weekend Workaholic. When the work hours of your day are pretty much all day long, work and play is as blurry as your 2 a.m. computer vision. As a workaholic, taking a break and trying to switch your brain off to give it a breather is foreign to you. Here is where we step in and graciously guide you away from your craft for two days to simply detox, and help you realize why you work so hard in the first place.

Switch Off
Come the weekend, if you find yourself glued so tightly to your phone that your family and friends are pulling it away from your grip as you scream, 'Just one more e-mail!' I think it's time. However, I think completely shutting off all your devices for two days may be unnecessary. Considering you may be planning to interact with other humans and need to schedule dates, get directions and snap photos of your adventure, or if you're simply going on a single date around town or out-of-town to sit and think. But vow to yourself to refrain from responding to anything work related, especially if it is distracting you from the people in front of you, or the thoughts that may be formulating in your head. 

Make a List
Not a list of work to accomplish, but a list of adventures and memories you'd like to create, a list of thinks to think about and consider, a list of things to be grateful for, a list of how far your work has brought you today, and my personal favorite: where you'd like to see yourself progress. This can almost seem work related, but notice the difference; it's you reflecting on your work, not aimlessly continuing to work. 

Relax
Truly relax, and not force yourself to try and unwind. Pacing up and down your hallway and sternly telling yourself to ease into a day of simple stress-free living is about as calming as taking a final you haven't studied for in a class you desperately need to pass in order to graduate. If you stop trying to force yourself into unwinding, it’ll eventually come along and swaddle you in its cushioned, chamomile-scented arms. 

Do Things that is not suitable for Technology
There is one amazing, natural element that all technological devices can't go near: water. Draw yourself a long, hot bath, head to your local pool and go out for a swim, take a stroll down the nearest beach and immerse your body into the beautiful salt water, or take a trek out to a nearby lake or waterway for a paddle. Long walks and adventures of the like will simply put some distance between you and your laptop—just don’t 'accidentally' walk into a café with free Wi-Fi. You’re not fooling anyone.

Be Realistic
Planning a beautifully gracious weekend completely with friends, family, or just for yourself may leave you feeling anxious and upset if you fail at the improbable expectations for your workless weekend. Create a beautiful weekend relaxing schedule, but leave some wiggle room. 

Reward Yourself
It's Sunday evening, you have maintained some self-control, rejuvenated your brain cells and achieved sweet, sweet nothing workwise this weekend. Congratulations! Good behavior should always be rewarded. Go buy yourself that fancy dinner you have been craving for; take yourself out! Pour yourself a glass of wine, pamper yourself with a mani pedi or a buy new outfit. You surely deserve it. 

My newest philosophy I have begun to follow is  the phrase 'Work hard, play hard.' You may have heard of this before. You get the best of everything life has to offer: during the week, work incredibly hard to accomplish your dreams. But set at least one or two days aside for enjoying your youth, your successes thus far, and the wonderful people currently in your life today. 

Happy weekend. Enjoy it.

First photograph from Tumblr. Second photograph by Sarah Sherman Samuel

In Conversation With: KAOHS Swimwear

5/11/2015

 
Kaohs Swim
Kaohs
Kaohs
Ali Hoffmann and Tess Hamilton, FIDM Alumni and now successful 'salty' entrepreneurs. Starting their brand KAOHS, these two brilliant minds have joined forces to make a big impact in swimwear. KAOHS is inspired by the skate, boho, and surf lifestyle that the two California locals grew up in. Pursuing a career in fashion, Tess and Ali met at FIDM, sparked an interest for their love of all things beach and created an empire together. Inspired and devoted, the young entrepreneurs have shaped a brand that combines rad detail, flattering cuts, and rare style. The two use their background to establish an effortless yet bold bikini line that encompasses beachside vibes combined with Los Angeles’ street style. 

The Gracious Lady had the lovely opportunity to ask the minds behind KAOHS some questions about their successes and to shoot with their first collection. 

How does your story begin? When and how did you decide to grow your friendship into a business partnership?

We met through a mutual friend at FIDM, we had a lot in common and eventually wanting to start a business came up as a topic. We meet the next day for lunch and now we're here.

Describe your experience creating your own brand.
We didn’t know much about starting a company, other than the fact that we wanted to. We started with sketches on notebook paper and asked a lot of questions. We also made some mistakes, but they made us better. It’s stressful but worth every minute of it.

How long did it take to develop the brand, sketch the swimwear, and bring your vision to life?
It took about 10 weeks for us to get our sketches to samples. From then on we started to implement more aspects of the company. It slowly came together and fell into place.

Were you anticipating the Kaohs brand to grow in exposure and celebrity attention as much as it did right away? 
Together we had a really strong list of resources and connections, we knew with hard work we would be able to get our suits in some pretty big hands, which would essentially help our growth.

How have you reacted to your brands quick rise to success? 
We try to be modest. We are definitely excited about how things are going, but also like to keep things in perspective.

How did The Jenner/Kardashian family get the opportunity to wear your swimwear? 
We have a good friend, who is one of Kim’s best friends. When Kim saw the bikinis she was instantly supportive and so was the whole family. Having the Kardashians and Jenners as fans has helped grow our business and get us some great press online as well as, US Weekly, In Touch, Life & Style, etc. 
Kaohs
Kaohs
Kaohs
What was the most pivotal accident, or unexpected discovery you made towards your success? 
We need to trust our instincts, we're bad at that. We also learned the hard way that when you custom dye fabric, it shrinks, A LOT! 

Where do you see Kaohs progressing? 
We plan of continuing to expand our bikini collection with a spring and summer collection as well as ready to wear pieces. Hopefully, we can bring kids swim and mens board shorts on soon! And hopefully surfboards one day!

What is your greatest fear, and how do you manage fear? 
Production. When things get backed up in production we just have to sit back and tell each other we got this and we need to be calm. It doesn’t always work, but we try. 

What three pieces of advice would you give to college students who want to become entrepreneurs? 
Above all, trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and write everything down in one spot, like a planner. Phone numbers, dates, addresses, EVERYTHING, it’s much more reliable than storing all important info in your phone! 

What do you love about designing and building an empire you believe in? 
It hasn’t been easy but the support we receive from our family, friends, and customers keeps us going. We love hearing feedback from our customers. It's an awesome feeling when they go out of the way to let you know how much they love the product.

What are some of your proudest accomplishments thus far? 
I think we are really proud of hitting our goals; breaking even point, web sales, wholesale sales, and being definitely being asked to be a part of Mercedes Benz Miami Beach Swim Week this upcoming July. 

What does entrepreneurship mean to you both? 
Being an entrepreneur is both scary and exciting. We are both really thrilled about growing as a company. As we continue to grow, we will get to give back and share our experiences and knowledge with many.


What does entrepreneurship mean to you both? 
Being an entrepreneur is both scary and exciting. We are both really thrilled about growing as a company. As we continue to grow, we will get to give back and share our experiences and knowledge with many.

Tips for Home Fermenting

5/6/2015

 
How to ferment
Fermentation has healing properties that has been recognized in many cultures for centuries, helping the body grow and prosper. It not only preserves your food but it also enhances the nutrient content. When locally grown organic produce and indigenous yeasts and bacteria are created, preservationists and healthy food lovers are able to create extraordinarily delicious, healthful, and traditional foods and drinks. I invite you to seek to create the highest quality and tastiest ferments possible, including sauerkraut with coriander and seeds, kimchi, seasonal shredded beet or carrot salad, wild fermented sodas and rejuvelac, an unsweetened probiotic drink made from sprouted grains. 

Fermentation is entirely dependent on the bacteria that grows on the vegetables, which is vital not only for the functioning of the human body, but for every ecosystem and living thing on the planet. Interested yet? The goal is to mix salt and vegetables and submerge them in brine. Here are a few variables to keep in mind when you have decided to ferment from home:

Basics: How to Make Your Ferment
Wash and process the vegetables, rinsing the skins of the vegetables very thoroughly, then chop them into strips or chunks. Then place them in a bowl and use a meat tenderizer or kraut pounder to release the juices. If you wish to leave the vegetables mostly intact, you may not squeeze all of the juice out but you will still need to press them in some way in order to break down the cell walls. 

No Air Exposure
When you ferment vegetables, it’s ideal to completely submerge them in brine to protect them from molding. If your ferments contain a lot of floating matter, be sure to stir regularly to discourage mold growth. 

Keep Temperatures Stable
When temperatures rise, the biological process speeds up. For the first few days of your fermentation process, it’s ideal to keep your subject in room temperature areas. Then at cellar temperature for the remainder of the time. Refrigeration slows all processes down significantly. We recommend that temperatures remain stable.

Take Your Time
Nutrition, flavor and texture will all change and often will improve with time. At room temperature, most ferments will need about one week to develop the acidity required for preservation. So be patient, it’s well worth the wait. 

Stay Salty
We recommend that you always use high-quality salts for fermenting. What is considered ‘high-quality’ salts? Choose salts that have not been leached of their vital minerals or compromised with chemical conditioners or flowing agents. The amount of salt you use will greatly affect the outcome of your ferments. Higher salt proportions will keep vegetables crunchier, while lower salt proportions will leave you with softer ferments. Too much salt will inhibit fermentation. Salting is not an exact science; just make it a little bit saltier than you would want to eat raw.

Just Add Water
All water used must be non-chlorinated—whether it’s being used to wash vegetables or make the brine. Chlorine kills bacteria and will prevent your project from fermenting. 

Photograph by Trinette Reed & Chris Gramly

How To Be A Gracious House Guest

4/29/2015

 
be a good house guest
There’s an art to being a good house guest and it takes some diligent practice to get it just right in order to extend your graciousness to those who have extended theirs to provide you a place to stay. Next time you’re taking advantage of the kindness of others—whether it’s in the form of a couch or their backyard cottage—take heed of these suggestions for dwelling well. 
 
Remember You're a Guest
You are not in the comfort of your own home, though your gracious host may tell you to make yourself feel at home, don't get too comfortable. Keep your belongings all in one place and be tidy.

Be an Empathetic Lodger
Put yourself in the house slippers of your host (not literally) and visualize what might make you the most agreeable, generous guest. Close doors quietly when others are sleeping. Tread lightly in the morning. Simply put, take into consideration of the family living there and be as kind as one can be. 

Pitch in for Meals
Take a trip to the grocery store and stock up on eggs, milk, and coffee. Or help around the kitchen to make meal time a bit easier now that your host must be mindful for an extra guest. Chop onions for dinner or wash the dishes after breakfast. Your participation in household affairs should be proportionate to the length of your stay. Do whatever you can to lighten the burden of another body (or several) in the house.

Be Reasonable About Expectations
Take the more humble approach and recognize that your host has a whole litany of responsibilities, worries and distractions that extend beyond merely satisfying your comforts. So commit to being flexible before you even step foot in the door. Also, be forgiving and responsive. 

Communicate Well
This is the key for getting off to a good start, as well as maintaining peace for the whole duration of your stay. Let your hosts know when they might expect you in and out of the house. If you say you’re coming home at 10 p.m., don’t waltz in the door at 2 a.m. with no warning and expecting a warm greeting. 

Photograph by Taylor Jewell

The Art of Being Idle

4/27/2015

 
Being Idle
As people get older, they realize that time is more valuable than money. And finding more time to do absolutely nothing is perhaps exactly what we all need. 

It’s the stuff of gods and infants—the birthplace of great works of art, philosophy and science. The habit of doing nothing at all is important to our individual and cultural well-being, yet it seems to be dying in our digitized age.

It's far from laziness; proper idleness is the soul’s home base. Don't replace being idle with being unproductive. Think of it as time spent thinking, learning about yourself, and doing so in a way you are at peace with everything in the world. Before we plan, love, decide, act, or storytell, we are idle. Before we learn, we watch. Before we achieve, we dream. Before we play, we imagine. The idle mind is awake but unconstrained, free to slip untethered from idea to idea or meander from potential theory to potential truth. Thomas Aquinas argued that “It is necessary for the perfection of human society that there should be men who devote their lives to contemplation.”

I have found that idleness might be a lost skill. How often do we sit, serenely unoccupied? How often do we walk and free the mind with no agenda or destination, present and free? It has become an uncommon sight to be a solitary individual, with your head not buried in a newspaper or laptop or phone; simply sitting—your mind long wandered off. A mind adrift in a sea of its own making is far more interesting than a mind following a trail of hyperlinks. 

Productivity is not the only measure of time well spent. I’m convinced that time spent idle makes for a healthier state of mind. You need time away from social and other influences in order to clearly make decisions on your own. You must find the balance between the two; being completely idle and being extraordinarily accomplishing. You need both in order to let the right influences in your life and make clear, focused choices in life. 

Plus, the relationship we have with our beds should be broken less often. Staying in bed with my cat are the kind of days I enjoy so much I'm not really able to describe. It's the smallest and simplest act of spending the day with an animal who only brings you joy and makes you at ease that never makes me want to really do anything else. I make sure I have at least one day out of the week where I stay home in bed, with him purring by my side, and I am left with nothing but my thoughts. I think aloud and contemplate life; the choices I have made in the past, if they have made me a better individual, and the choices I need to make in the future. It's my time to get away from everything else. And it leaves me only with my thoughts. This time spent idle is time I would not want to spend doing anything else. 

We want less and are more at peace when we are idle. We sleep better and work harder. Simpler things bring us joy. When we daily observe our immediate surroundings, we are more grounded in our context, more attuned to the rhythms of whatever season or place we are in.

Photograph from Sleepy Jones Journal

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    Responding Graciously


    Unless indicated ©Mariya Dondonyan, some photos on this page are works of other photographers. We believe in giving credit where credit is due, so every post recognizes the source where the photographs were found. If at anytime you see work that is improperly recognized, please send us a quick note and we will update the information. 
      Mariya Dondonyan || The Gracious Lady © 2014
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